In this episode Emily, Megan and I discuss all things from apartment rentals, work, side hustles and passions, to mental health and emotional healing, and everything in between. This is such a relatable conversation as the 3 of us share what's been going on for us in our mid to late twenties, and how we continue to press on. Enjoy!
In today's episode, we discuss:
Connect with Emily & Megan:
INSTAGRAM: @opentoitpodcast, @megann.sarahh, & @emilyannabbott
PODCAST: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/open-to-it/id1633901709
--------------------------------------------------------------
Staring in January 2023 I'll be releasing a podcast episode every Monday! Here's what you can look forward to in the New Year:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
In this episode Emily, Megan and I discuss all things from apartment rentals, work, side hustles and passions, to mental health and emotional healing, and everything in between. This is such a relatable conversation as the 3 of us share what's been going on for us in our mid to late twenties, and how we continue to press on. Enjoy!
In today's episode, we discuss:
Connect with Emily & Megan:
INSTAGRAM: @opentoitpodcast, @megann.sarahh, & @emilyannabbott
PODCAST: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/open-to-it/id1633901709
--------------------------------------------------------------
Staring in January 2023 I'll be releasing a podcast episode every Monday! Here's what you can look forward to in the New Year:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
like sometimes I feel like I only exist to make sure that people around me are all right and like to hell with how I'm feeling or what I want or how I'm doing. thinking a lot. Lately I'm like female desire kind of because I feel like so much, at least in my past relationships I genuinely have like sexual desire and I wanna be intimate them like often but probably not every night.
Well, welcome, Emily and Megan. I'm so pumped to have you on the podcast. Yeah, welcome to the show. This is gonna be awesome. Thank you. We're so stoked. So I guess the first thing I wanna throw it to both of you is what is getting you out of bed in the morning? So many people are struggling with momentum motivation. Like, we have this major, like, motivation problem. And I don't really think that's what it is, but that's the word that comes to mind. So, yeah. What gets you guys out? Bed in the morning. Wow, that's a hard one. I don't know that I'm good at that. I feel like I actually kind of have an answer to this right now because there was a long period of time where there was nothing getting me out of bed. I would say honestly, from 2018 until the beginning of this year, the only things that would get me even a little bit motivated were like the idea of something new, like a new job or a new guy in my life or something. And once that novelty kind of wore off, it was just like my alarm would go off and I'd be like, **** this, I don't wanna do anything. There is no reason for me to get up, especially during COVID. I think I spent about 80% of the year's 2022 and 2021 in Bed recently. I feel like I have been going through a lot of change, and I think what's been getting me out of bed lately has been this idea that there is so much more growth to be done and so much that I'm actually capable of. And I've been really actively going after that. Even when it feels like things are slowing down and even when it feels like I'm becoming stagnant, what's actually getting me out of bed is the desire to push past that. So yeah, that's *******. Awesome. Yeah, seriously. So yeah. And I love that you shared that you spent a couple of years like feeling stuck maybe during the pandemic and afterward. So I feel like there were the two extremes and that one, and I think that a lot of people went into that, went into a cave hibernation type of deal. I went the opposite and was like an anal mess. And like, I feel like I could have picked a better word than anal, but like, was
neurons love anal? Yeah, no better. Word is perfect. It's like crazy. I'm like by the time I come out of this, I'm gonna have this and this and this and this done, and I'm going to be like miles ahead of everybody. And it was just insane. And I put so much pressure on myself. And so like, yeah, if we have like a spectrum of depression and anxiety, if you went the more like depressed, isolated route, I was at the other end of the spectrum being crazy and just anxious and trying to do all the things. But so thank you for sharing that. That's so crazy. We didn't know how long it was going to. Yeah. So I feel like I was kind of like you at the beginning. I was like, ohh two weeks, OK, gonna work out every day. Let's go. And then it's two weeks and it's like it's gonna be till September and you're like, OK, I guess I can keep this going to September that it just kept extending. So it's hard to not have like a time frame of like how long you're going to grind extra hard for. Yes, challenging. That's exactly what it was. And then what about you? What gets you off? Emily, I was just thinking about it. My answer is definitely less profound. I booked my workout classes in the morning and it's a $20 fee if you cancel them, so.
Perfect. Have to go or else I'm losing 20 bucks. Yes that's accountability 100%. Like, I just started going to a pool near me and it's 6 bucks to swim and I still, I will not give up that $6. That's a Starbucks, man. Like listen, $6 save to $6 earned. So wow, do you not let it go? Ohh my gosh. OK, so can you guys talk a little bit about and now I'm feeling like nosy and really excited. So before we hit record you had said life has been like chaotic, maybe overwhelming, go into that. Alright. OK, yeah, mine's pretty like um. What's the word like? Obvious for me I guess. I have been moving all week. I like had I've been living in this apartment building for 2 years and it was time to move and I found a new apartment. And yeah, I've been moving this entire past week and just moving sucks. And it's like so much work and I have all of these like memories here and have all these things like buried into the walls from like 2 years of just being like oh I'll do that later and shoving it away. So now I'm just going through all these things and like it's just overwhelming and chaotic and I feel like that's been my biggest stress and I also. Have like, shifts coming up in the next six months. Like, my job is going to shift a bunch. So I'm just, like, trying to mentally prepare for that. And they've got the holidays coming, planning, all that. So I just feel like everything is like a whirlwind influx right now. And I'm like, trying to find that deadline. We're like, OK, this is when the stability can start again, you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's almost like once you get to that stability, other things are going to happen. And you're so right. Like, moving is insane. And so, like, what's keeping? You grounded in all of this, especially with work. Like I can feel that like looming over you. Yeah, I think just like my chaotic calendar that has every to do thing listed out
entirely and just trying to get on top of things. Like my work stuff is gonna change end of November. It's gonna change again in February. And so I'm like, hey, what am I going to do in between these two chunks? But like, what's the plan? What's the goal? Just trying to get ahead of it so that when it actually happens, I'm not spiraling. What do you do for work? I am a script. Terminator. So I worked in production. So it's very much like my TV show I'm on currently is ending November 21st. And then the next show I'm starting is February. And then I'm like, can I, do I have time to pick up another show in between those? Or like, do I have to go on unemployment? Like, what am I gonna do? That's kind of the stress. Thank you for explaining that because, yeah, I feel like other people can relate. There's a dope job, by the way, but so maybe people can't relate to your role necessarily, but having the unpredictability is. And you don't have control, yes. Yeah, exactly. It's crazy. Ohh, that's cool. Yeah. And then Megan, what's going on for you that's like chaotic and crazy? So I'm so Emily and I actually both live in this building that we're moving out of. So I'm moving to I've been here for four years now and some change. And it is time to go. So what's happening now is I am looking for like a one pad 1 bath that I can afford and I'm going to be moving all the way out to like Sherman Oaks, which is a huge change for me moving from Santa Monica. And like all the people I know, before I can do that I have to sue our landlord to get my security deposit back. So I'm going through that, which is also chaos. I just got promoted at work, which is amazing, but I am right now doing that job in addition to my original job. So, like, everything is just in flux right now. It's nothing. Today is the same as it was six weeks ago. Yeah, so that's insane. OK,
can we talk about the suing? What? Yeah, we can. It is. It's terrible. Trash. Trash, trash, trash. He is far and away the worst landlord. I don't know how he should be in jail at this point. I'm so serious. So. I moved into this building in 2018 and paid a security deposit to the person moving out as instructed by him. And then when I moved into a new unit in this building, I paid another security deposit for it. And he was like, yeah, we'll give you your other one back. And that was in January. And I've been following up with him all year. And he's like, yes, we know you're owed. Yes, we're working on this. We'll work it out. And every time I follow up, which has been like more times than I can count at this point, I don't get anything back. So I was. I'm taking him to court. Answer yes. e-mail. It's like crazy. I'm going through a similar thing with him. Like he I have a e-mail chain where I'm just like, talking to myself. Like, I emailed him every few weeks and he just does not, does not respond about other things, about getting his own money. But like in terms of getting us money, it's just no answers. OK, but this is only briat, the tip of the iceberg. I was looking this man up online because I was trying to find more information about it. He's so elusive. I have to serve him in person. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do that, but I came across Yelp reviews. From people who have lived in this buildings, in this building there was a dead body RIP to this poor person who died alone in this apartment but they left this person there for 10 days. And like the body started to smell and it was like infiltrating other apartments. Ohh, I feel like that's I've seen that episode like on CSI or like down on mines or something that's happened on Dateline. So yeah, that's so interesting that you're both getting an up level and moving. So I just moved to and I also just came from a really ****** apartment building and like
same idea, the people are just like money. Hungry like the company that owns it. And it was just disgusting, like the I thought there was a dead body. So one night water starts pouring out of my ceiling and like, onto my floor. And I called my boyfriend and I was like, like, what do you think's going on here? And he's like either a pipe burst in the wall or somebody died in their in the bathtub and they're clogging it. And now it's like overflowed. And I was like, stop, stop it. Oh my God. The fact that he liked. Go. Hostility. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Wait. OK, go ahead. I'm happy that we were all in this up level train together. Let's go like what's what's next for you guys? How are you doing mental health wise with all of this? And like talk about the podcast too, because that's cool. That brings you guys together. It gets you laughing. It gives you that also gives you something to like get out of bed in the morning for. So yeah, like talk to me about this up level. Yeah, I mean, OK, so I actually didn't even say this earlier, and I should have. This podcast has really given me something to get out of bed for this year. I mean, I've had a dream of doing this for a long time, and it started off just like we don't really care if anybody listens to it. It's just like a fun thing for us to do. And we still feel that way. But the fact that it's getting traction and people are enjoying it, it's such a cool thing to turn something that was. It's kind of an idea and something I've always felt pretty passionate about into a reality, so. That's been amazing. And like the fact that this promotion was honestly the funniest coincidence, because we had a psychic on our podcast a couple of weeks ago and we had a love reading. So she was telling me that I'm going to meet my man at work somehow. Like, he's going to be a little bit, you know, senior to.
On the cusp of some kind.
Promotion, or like any kind of recognition. And my first thought was like, well, I might be moving to like a new company. I've been thinking about quitting. A week later, I swear to God, a week later I got offered this promotion. I was like actively on LinkedIn, looking around, searching, and then. Just it like came up out of nowhere. So incredible. So wild thing. I'm such a believer in the the stars. I think it's so real now. But yeah, yeah I'm so I'm a Capricorn and we're a little skeptical over here. OK. So I'm like deeply spiritual and believe in everything and then there's a like a Capricorn human part that's like, but Are you sure? Yeah. And then daily there's like. Things were like, ohh, God exists. Like there is divine energy and then you're like, but Are you sure? Yeah. OK Oh my God. I've been going through like a very interesting struggle with this. Actually, I'm gonna have told you about this, but this past year I've kind of been like refining my faith and like going to church and like being more engrossed in like the Christian community. And I've also such a like, horoscope, psychic, medium girly. Like, I love all that ****. And then I was like, oh, I wonder if like what the Bible says about this, I haven't actually read the Bible. And it's like really bad to like, go to psychics and mediums and like believable, my God, astrology. And I was like, Oh my God, how do I, like, reconcile these two things? It's so chaotic. So then I was like and then I just, like, closed it. I was like, I don't know. I don't wanna, like, see this. And then yeah, I talked to people at church about it and they're like, it's just about like context. Like those things were very different back in, like, you know, the times than they are now. So I was like, OK, it's chill. But yeah, I've been like, it's hard to know what to believe. Nothing is like, you can't prove anything. So we're just kind of. Like wandering around, being like, I don't know, like, hopefully I'm believing the right thing. Guys, did I tell you about this? OK, so the way we found
our psychic to come on the podcast was like Crowdsource on Instagram. Does anybody know any, like, psychics, tarot card readers? And a friend of mine from college who's like deeply, deeply Catholic, like probably the most religious person I know responded to that story saying, Oh no, these things are so bad for your soul. Please be careful. I looked it up and I saw some scary **** on the Internet say if I looked it up and I was like, I'm literally possessed by a demon now. Like, OK, great, love that. Yeah. No, it's. Yeah, people are hyperbolic. Like, we just have to take it with a grain of salt. But it's crazy. That's why I didn't know that it was so conflicting between religion versus spirituality. That's bonkers. So crazy. Yeah, I feel like possessed. Yeah. Here's hoping. I actually Bria on what you said, like being deeply spiritual, like I've been kind of exploring that recently too, not so much on a religious train like Emily, but more on like a. Like I feel like the universe is kind of. You know, my higher power, and I've been really leaning into it, especially since we had Stella on. She was a psychic and I've kind of come to this. This belief that the universe is conspiring in our favor, and I've also been reading The Alchemist, which I would recommend, but it's like kind of on the same track. But I feel like if there's something that we want and we're working towards it, the universe is going to conspire in our favor to give us what we're actually meant for. So if it doesn't work out, that just means it's happening for you. So the next thing that's coming from that failure or from that, you know, whatever it is that didn't work out, that's because it's meant for something else. Whatever is happening in your life right now is leading you towards where you're supposed to go. So I love that. It's so true. I was listening to a podcast the other day and I'll link it in the show notes. I can't remember who said it, but it was the people
and like, situations that come into your life are there to show you where you're not free. And I was like, that's such a different way of putting it and like, where am I not free? Like these constraints? Like, I feel like we all feel like the tension or restricted. In some way or like not restricted resistance against something. So yeah yeah Ohh what did you take so yeah when you like heard that Oh my God that's a great question where am I not free definitely still with eating disorder stuff still stuck in that it's interesting because I've been doing like shadow work through to be magnetic I like I'm taking their program and. Umm, some of the one of the exercises in the workshop is like ask people what they see, like where you're holding yourself back. So two of my girlfriends said that I am very rigid and which I know. There you go, Pam. That I tend to, excuse me, isolate and like, they, you know, wish I would like be more social maybe. And I also asked my ex, which was super interesting, just to get that feedback. Yeah, we haven't been together for almost two years and but we had lived together before. So I was like, OK, you know me, like intimately. You know me very well and you've all seen me at my absolute worst. So that was one of the things like he said, too, just like you. Try to control everything. Like, I hope that you can literally be happy and see that things are beautiful daily, not things are beautiful like 15 years down the road, because that's where your mind is, right? So those are the areas I feel like I'm not free. The ones that everyone else sees, like the rigidity thing. Yeah, that's crazy that you texted your ex. Was he?
To be a fly on the wall for that conversation. He was like, did you mean this to be sent to me? If so, I'll try my best to give you a good answer. My actual literary block me, if I don't like that, like get on my phone.
Oh my God, yeah. What about you guys? Are there areas where you feel like you're stuck? Constrained, restricted, resistant, stuck. That's the word of the day. I feel like. OK, this has been something I've been working on pretty actively recently, but I feel like I restrict myself by. Like letting my mood and my overall just like kind of self worth be determined by other people. So like if somebody's mad at me, like if I messed up something at work, or if I did or said something unintentionally that upset someone, like I am not OK like my mood is. Shot my productivity is shot like I can't think about anything else. And it's very it's very limiting. Like it's all well and good to be. Aware of, you know, the things that affect other people that you do. But it's I let it get in the way of my life. So that's something I've been really actively working on in therapy and, you know, trying to free myself as if you will. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I would say for me. I love that we're tabling that. Let's come back to that, Emily. Yeah, what am I stuck in? I feel like like nothing major, but just like little things all around, you know, like I feel like I can spiral getting anxious about certain things and. That I just had something in my mind that it went away, but I feel like. Yeah, I just feel like little. I think it's anxiety is probably like the biggest thing I can get stuck in. Just like worrying too much about things that will never even
be a worry, you know, and spiraling on that and like over adjusting to make sure certain things don't happen and like wasting my energy in that way and. Yeah, I feel like that's probably the biggest anxiety I have. And then also on top of that, I remember what I was going to say. I am like really bad at being vulnerable, and I feel like it'd be beneficial if I was more vulnerable with people, but I like, don't want to be. So he's not going to. There's so much there. And I feel like, and it's so funny because with vulnerability too, it's like certain layers like you're opening this early, you're open to it. Like, then, yeah, there's that little. Like, I always thought I was the most open and honest person ever until I got into like the current relationship that I met. And I was like, oh, I'm actually not comfortable being vulnerable. It's fake. Like, it was a fake openness so that she's crazy and like. I'm curious about that him. Can you tell me more about that? Like you felt like you were vulnerable before and then you got into a relationship. What changed? What was different? Good question. OK. So I always, always growing up, it was just my mom and I. And so I was like, we were very open. We would just like, walk around the house doing whatever the hell we wanted, like in a responsible way. Like I was a child, she was the parent, was pretty healthy relationship, but we just, you know, it was just us. And then I did cheerleading and competed and traveled with a team. And I was like, I thought it was pretty open and honest with everyone. Like was able to be myself and then went through high school. And once I got to college, I feel like I started shutting people out. And some of that, like perfectionism took over, but I didn't really recognize it. Like looking back, I can see like when I went to college, I wanted to sit at the front of the class and not talk to anybody. Um,
because I was like, I need to do well and that and to do well to me meant not having anybody like people interfere with it, which is like a very sad mindset to be in when you look back. Like looking at people as a hindrance to your success. Because all we are is like people wanting to connect and then moving forward. Yeah, I just, I'm good at talking about things, I'm good at talking to people, and I'm good at communication. And I got into this most recent relationship and it's one of those mirrors for, you know, all of your insecurities and everything. And apparently I'm really good at talking about surface level things, but when there's really something on my mind, I have these passive aggressive tendencies and I feel like it ties into Megan, what you were saying like. Making sure that everyone else, like around you is OK or else it really affects you. I think that I'm like that too, and I just like it was easier to shut people out because then I don't, if you're not around me, I actually don't have to spend my energy worrying if you're OK or not. And so getting into this relationship was like very eye opening. That is so interesting that you said making sure everybody is OK because I didn't even like verbatim say that. But I have before said and felt many, many times like. It's just a little dramatic. I'm sorry, but I was like sometimes I feel like I only exist to make sure that people around me are all right and like to hell with how I'm feeling or what I want or how I'm doing. Like that's really, that's really interesting that you said that and you feel that way. I think we. We're kind of on the same page there. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. And then even Emily, you had said something about like not having energy left,
like, just from worrying and like pre worrying before the actual worry happens about the actual thing. There's like the worry before that. So and then that leaves you with no energy in the evening, nothing for yourself. This was one of the things my ex also said in the text was like, you don't have any. Any energy left for yourself and for other people. And it's crazy because it's been almost two years apart and that's still a truth. I'm living. Wow. Yeah. Even though I've tried to get out, he could. Like, I don't know. It's always interesting hearing people's perspective and what you don't realize they're picking up on. Like that's something that's so kind of nuanced to be picking up on. And yes. Yeah. Perceptive tie, honestly, nuts. So amazing. And I'm thankful for that. And yeah, let's. We shift gears and talk a little bit about sex, actually now that because I was just thinking of like later in the evening, like when you're tired and when typically like couples will come together and like I know that you guys do talk often about dating and sex and everything, So what is your like? Perspective on this what are your thoughts, energy and all of that for intimacy thinking a lot. Lately I'm like female desire kind of because I feel like so much, at least in my past relationships I genuinely have like sexual desire and I wanna be intimate them like often but probably not every night. But I think it's most guys that I've been with want to be intimate like every night are like at every opportunity. So I think it's kind of interesting once you're in a relationship like being able to figure out when you're doing, when you're having sex. Of your own desire or out of like this is what to please my partner, you know. Yeah. And then I think at some point it in like unhealthy relationships that can easily get blurred those lines and it becomes like you don't even know if you want this or if it's because you want to please them or like why you're doing this anymore. And then that's when sex kind of falls into
like a treacherous place and the relationship. But yeah, I think going into any next relationship that I have, I want to really be focused on only having sex with genuinely want it and not wanting to like. I don't know, like, feel like the perfect little girlfriend, like pleasing them, you know? If that makes sense. Yeah, like here. I'm cooking dinner after this long *** day. But bend me over in the kitchen? No problem. Sometimes, yes, but not every night.
Yeah, I like. On the topic of dating, let's talk about an energy suck. Like, yeah, the amount of time that we have to put into like, say it's even if we're not on the apps. Like, you meet people out and then you have to get ready and you go on the date and you have to perform. I mean, ideally you're just like yourself and having a good time, but a lot of times that's not the case. And then you have to sit around and worry. Like, what do you think of me? Is he gonna text me back? Where is this gonna go? Start emotionally ************. Oh my God, I really liked him. What if we get married? Where are we gonna move? Or, you know, like, it's just so much energy that goes into dating that. I think if you're not in the right headspace or the right place in your life can just take too much away. And when it comes to sex, I mean. I don't feel like it. Like in the relationships I've been in, like I don't feel like it a lot. And it makes me feel really guilty. And that guilt alone is like draining because I spent so much time going back and forth with myself. Like, I know I should just do this and get it over with. And then also, I know I don't want to be having sex with someone who's that feeling that way about me. Like, is this even fair to them? And then, you know, it's just. It's a really conflicting feeling and it takes a lot, so I don't know and This is why I'm single.
You can serve that energy, girl. You save it. Save all that energy. Yes. Like thank you both for sharing that. I feel that deeply too of like, I don't. I don't want it often, you know, but I like it. But like just in moderation and setting up those boundaries has been. So hard like that's it's the hardest thing ever. Exactly. Like you said, like sometimes when cooking dinner. Sure. Most of the time, no. And it is, it is really conflicting cause you're also fighting with yourself and being like, I should want this. I'm sure there are other women out there who would want this or who would like do these things. And I was talking to my therapist about it actually. And it was kind of cool because she put it in the perspective of like you can set boundaries to protect yourself and then. Sometimes instead of the opposite end of the spectrum, being like, pleasing the fellow, there's a middle ground of preserving and caring for the relationship. And I was like, ohh, yeah, it's saying, yeah, yeah, it's hard. I feel like sometimes people get so comfortable in relationships that they stop even trying to seduce each other. And then it's kind of like, I mean, I feel like as women too, we need a little bit more seduction in order to get in the mood. So like, when a guy's just expecting something, it doesn't feel like you have to work for it. Even a little bit like it just like put on a little work. I mean like a little excited to do this. Then yeah, it just it makes a big difference and that's true. I think on that we need to also cuz we're talking about foreplay here, we need to expand this definition of foreplay. Kissing my neck, touching me, going down on me. That's all good and fine. Foreplay. You know what else is foreplay? Complimenting me, cooking me dinner. Doing a chore, like doing things that make me feel like you care about me and like I'm the
center of your world and I hung the moon and the stars for you. Like make me feel desired and cared for and I will suck **** **** into oblivion.
Yeah, for dinner. And she's ready the title of this episode.
For real. Ohh my gosh. Yeah like thank you guys for both sharing those perspectives cause I think it's it's so helpful to yeah like get your expertise on that and can you talk a little bit more on your podcast like what your mission is and then maybe also let people know where they can find you and any like life tips based on what your this is a lot what you're going through right now because I just feel like. Yeah, it's so relatable. You're very relatable. Love it and people will be able to connect with you on that. Yeah, our podcast is open to it and basically the idea is that we'll try anything once. It kind of was formed from the idea that we lost a lot of our time in our 20s during the pandemic and we want to get back out there and like try everything and go have fun, cool experiences, become more well-rounded human beings who have like stories to tell and adventures they've experienced. So every week we try something new. It could be sexting, it could be a cooking class. It really has a lot of range, but it's been a lot of fun and let's see, what else did you ask? A quote? Can you give a quote or like advice first? I don't have one. OK well mine is pretty specific, so if you want I'll go into mine, so. Advice um. All preface this like I'm probably not the first person you all should take advice from, but so this year has been really transformational for me. I feel like for so many years I was trapped in eating disorders and. Lots of trying to fill empty space with sex, partying, food, whatever it may be. And
this past year I've had so many major breakthroughs because I gave up drinking and this was in January. And I just wanna say to anybody listening who's sober, curious because I was for a very long time and just never felt comfortable pulling the trigger because I was like, what's my life going to look like? I'm not going to have any friends. What I'm gonna like, what am I gonna do? That has been huge for me and I think the reason I'm seeing a lot of success now and, you know, feeling like my life is going somewhere that I want it to be going is attributed to that. So very specific. But yeah, if anybody out there is sober, curious or wants to talk about things like it's been huge for me and I'm always happy to talk about it. Love that. I think it's interesting that you bring up alcohol because. Like that's part of, for me, eating disorder wise, I have never really been into it because the part of my brain that is like orthorexia and like this body is a temple, it's pure is like you will not put that inside of you. But like I love wine, like I love Devil Glass of wine. It's wonderful but there's a part of my brain that will not allow it or like only in little bits here and there but a few of my clients. Like have been talking recently about alcohol and a part of me is having trouble, like relating to it. Obviously I can't. Like, I have empathy, I have clinical experience and whatnot and can work with people in that way. But can you talk like a little bit about drinking and how it affected your life? Because yeah, I just know from even my clinical practice that it's something people are struggling with. Yeah, I might be a carbon copy of one of your clients. To tell you the truth, I so I've. Had every decision eating disorder in the book. I'm I'm very open about it. I've been through a lot and I'm happy to like share what might be helpful and it's
you know, part of who I am today. So I had so I had such a complicated relationship with alcohol and I definitely experienced orthorexia for many years. So my answer to it was like well tequila is the healthiest alcohol right so. My whole thing with drinking for a long time was like there was no no possible chance of me just getting drunk and then going to bed and putting myself to bed. The only end to a drunk night was either binge eat or have sex with somebody. And. Having sex with somebody wasn't always an option, but eating was always an easy option and it made me feel really out of control and really bad about myself. I lived in my sorority house for a while in college and I would be told stories the next day of like how I was raiding the pantry and eating weird combinations of food and like hilarious but also like really shameful and made me feel really sad and scared and like what is wrong with me like nobody else behaves. That's when they drink, or so it feels. And I would be lying if I said that part of my decision to give up alcohol didn't have a little bit to do with, you know, the physical repercussions. My face was really puffy all the time from all the booze and all the binge eating, and it was just making me feel really, you know, not confident. And I have been on a very long journey of food freedom and body acceptance and everything, and I'm very comfortable in my skin now. But I think the big thing that comes from, you know, or for me came from giving up alcohol and therefore this tendency to binge into oblivion and, you know, black out and wake up hungover, I think. The physical changes were just a reflection of, you know, a physical manifestation of the changes I was making my life.
So that relationship with alcohol and eating disorders is very tricky cuz you know that alcohol has all these calories. So it's like should I save a meal today? Maybe not eat as much and then I can get drunk faster and it's a really weird dance. So I would be shocked if some of your clients have an experience this exact same thing or even talk to you. About the same thing, yeah. And like, I know people too, who struggle with like, smoking weed and then that's their time. Like when they're high is when they're allowing the food and stuff. It's interesting how, like using substances as a way to feel or experience what you actually need. Like you're ******* hungry. Like you were starving and then the alcohol just like, gave you an excuse to do that. And you know. Had clients like that who need to cry and like talk to somebody and let out emotions and like the only time I can do that is when I'm drinking and it has to be a stranger in the bathroom. Yes, 100% sign up for this. Exactly. It like, it provides an excuse. Like it is a coping tool in that sense. And so, yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think that's, I think that's amazing and that it gives people hope that you can. I was going to say come full circle, but like healing is not a circle. It's you can get on the road to recovery. Yeah. And I just also want to say your life doesn't change. Like, it doesn't have to change that much. I have a lot of the same friends and I do a lot of the same stuff. I love bars. Orders alter water. Yeah, that's all. And lime in there. Hmm. And what about you Emily? Do you have any life advice tips? Pump up something I I think like it's as we're talking about these things, there's a lot of heavy issues we all go through a lot of stuff in life. It's easy to get bogged down in it. Something I do and
I definitely recommend is just like, it's so cliche, but it makes a big difference. Taking those like 5 minutes at the other day to practice gratitude and be like what am I thankful for? Because it's especially like I get really anxious about things. Like it could be hard just pull back and be like. I'm so lucky to even be able to worry about this like and that these are the worries that I have. Not that like like there's it's it's trivial when you think of like the bigger issues. So like taking a step back and like taking a deep breath and being like I'm so thankful for this, this this and this. And remember I get every day really makes a difference for how you wake up and go into that day with a different mindset. So it's cliche but I think it's cliche for a reason to just whatever your version is, journaling, praying, whatever it is, like taking that minute to be like this is what I'm thankful for. It was so good. I know, right? I love that and I think it can be throughout the day and like take pauses. So I love that you said that because I started doing that before meals now because I'm still very like scarcity mindset and we'll sit down and like shovel food in my face very quickly. So I started pausing before and like thanking and like this egg came from a chickens **** and like there's a farmer involved and like then I cooked it and like I have money to go to the store and buy this. ****. Like, where did this come from? I had soup today. I was like, ah, my partner, like, made this soup. He ******* roasted an apple and a sweet potato and a butternut squash in the oven. He made this soup like, thank you. God, that boy is getting like, good ***** tonight.
Oh my God, what a king. Like, for real, right. So, like thinking of pausing all those different moments and like, doing it at other times, too. Like walked my dog and was looking at the sky and just like a thank you. Like that gratitude piece. Thank you. Like this is a gorgeous day. That's totally. You know. Yeah. Every blue sky. I feel like you're. It's just a moment to be like, we're so lucky. Yeah. Great. Thank you guys for doing this. Can you tell people? Where to find you, either as a duo or individually, whatever. Wherever you are. Take it away Meg. We are a package deal. You can find us individually, so our podcast is called Open to it. If you guys want to find us on Instagram, we're just at open to a podcast. And as Emily and I always say, we are your playthings. So if there's something you want us to try or you think an experience that you want to hear about, just e-mail it to open to apodcast@gmail.com or DM out open to a podcast on Instagram. My Instagram for the purposes of the podcast, because my last name will never be shared on these platforms, is Megan Sarah. So Mega, N dot, Sara H and Emily's you can handle. Me and Abbott Ann is how you spell Anne. But yeah, everything's on open to it podcast on Instagram. So come find us and follow along. We're having a lot of fun and we're everywhere. You get your podcasts. Yeah. Amazing. Thank you so much for having us. This was so cool. Thank you. Thank you guys for being here.