SURPRISE! There's a baby on the way! (seriously, like, any day now!) In this episode, I chat all about navigating new transitions in life and how to grow through what you're going through and shifting your mindset to view life's pivotal moments as gifts for you.
Today's Themes:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
SURPRISE! There's a baby on the way! (seriously, like, any day now!) In this episode, I chat all about navigating new transitions in life and how to grow through what you're going through and shifting your mindset to view life's pivotal moments as gifts for you.
Today's Themes:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
Because we're stuck in this one identity. So that's another piece that I have just been trying to make peace with is the idea of not knowing the idea of not being an expert and then holding that space for compassion with myself of
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the better boundaries podcast. I so thrilled to be here with you recording this episode today. I'm thrilled to be able to have the time and space that created that I could commit to this. So yeah, I'm just really excited. And I'm really thankful that you're here and Today, I want talk about transitions in life. and beginning new phases in life And I want to talk about the feeling of not knowing the feeling of uncertainty and needing to learn a completely new skill set. and
the anxiety and fear that can come up with the new Transitions and new phases in life. So think that's a really important. peace of being able to navigate and flow with life rather than being stuck and rigid and resisting changes in life. so number one announcement to make is that I'm having a baby in about six weeks time. So we are getting there. I'm so so excited and that word doesn't even Cut it. It doesn't even. I don't even know how describe. the awe the overwhelm and the joy about being able to be a mother. So that's really fantastic. And so that's a massive life transition to move into Parenthood and
yeah, I think even the whole pregnancy journey is a really incredible flowing transition to to see what your body can do and your body is capable of and I know that I personally have never
been so in awe and in Wonder of and trusting really trusting I is the word I'm looking for of what body can do and just because I've always been person where if you've listened to this podcast for a and when it used be the better bodies podcast all about eating disorder recovery and All That Jazz
Yeah, I've been someone who pushes myself and pushes my body in terms excessive exercise and the restricting food intake. And this is a time during pregnancy where there isn't space for that.
Be type of behavior at and like I had already. healed through that before becoming pregnant and so it's really fantastic to be in full trust with my body and and know that it is getting the right amount sleep the right amount water food exercise and just My body knows it's limits and it's really really cool really fantastic because the changes happen so quickly. So I've Loved this whole pregnancy Journey thus far and I'm so excited to see. How it with birthing process. We planning for a home birth. natural home birth and just am really excited too to go through the birthing process as well. And yeah, I'll keep you keep you updated on all of that, but that is approaching quickly. So that's one major life transition that I'm going through. Right now and it's cool to connect with so different women because as as somebody finds out that you're pregnant, they're oh my gosh, me too. So it's been really neat. You like I was getting my eyebrows waxed and the girls like, oh your belly getting big and we're chatting and I like, do have kids? She's like, yeah. I'm actually caring my first child right and I oh, that's so cool. And then you talk about like how many weeks pregnant you are and
the thing happened when I was out at a restaurant. I stood go to bathroom in the server was oh I didn't even know.
and she's like how far along are She's like I'm pregnant too. So it's really cool to just see joy in women's eyes and as we kind lift each up and connect on that level. and the The Pride that comes from it just being so so proud and and so like I said before in awe is really fantastic and and I some prenatal yoga classes. So that was cool to connect with other women and to have a wonderful teacher to who really encouraged. listening to your body and that there will be moments of discomfort in in yoga when holding certain poses, but to make sure that you know, you're not in pain, but that it's okay to be uncomfortable at times and to breathe through that discomfort in different positions that we would hold in the class. So that was great practice great prep.
and there's a lot of what I'm finding so much fear out there about fear of during and throughout pregnancy like, you you can't have this you can't have that whether it's like Foods medication exercise. I know skincare products everything like there's so many.
rules and everything is ah careful this careful of that but and it's kind like thrown at you whether you welcome it or not. And then the same thing goes for the what like call birth or birthing. Birth process, but you also might call labor.
same thing goes for that when people are kind Giving you horror stories of labor. Would you like I'm open to hearing people's experiences personally, but just interesting to hear. so many negative ones and they've heard a few positive ones and I choose to really
listen to the positive ones. I also like listen to the negative ones because it I think it's like a good kind reminder that things don't always go as you plan and you have be able be flexible and flow with things but
also holding both whether it is a positive birth story or a more negative or fearful birth story to remember that every baby is different every mom is different and their partner support system. Everything is unique absolutely unique and I think it's really fascinating that even you the same woman can have multiple children, but very different pregnancies very different births. They're even unique within that one person from each. child to each child that they so I think Holding each story that you're told with a grain salt. Is key and is I've tried to do. because I think it's really important to keep that trust with yourself. And that knowing about what your body can do what your body is capable of what your limits are what your preferences are and also you I've kind made a an agreement myself like here my preferences wishes beliefs values and
also, I this ingredient agreement is like an acceptance piece of You what? It might not go the I've planned because there's another being another Soul involved who is going come into the world in the that they're meant to into world. And that's something that I have to let go of control over. so this is being such big piece of my life.
so exciting so I guess kind Surreal, like I mentioned to one my friends recently. I was like, I think I'm in denial. I was like was planning going cross country skiing and then I realized that that's actually dangerous and I can't do right now.
because there are so many things that I Have continued do and I'm so grateful that I could remain active throughout this pregnancy. And yeah, like I do yoga running I stopped running now cuz my body said, hey, it's time stop now, but I was running up until a point. I won't tell you when because somebody told me when they had stopped running and then I had that goal in my mind of like, oh they ran until this certain point and then I felt like a failure when had to stop before I hit the amount weeks that they had stopped running at if that makes sense. Like they told me that and then my brain Turned it into a goal. It like, oh perfect. They did. That sounds great. That's acceptable. That's what I'll do and I had to stop running before that point because my body said so so I won't tell you when I stopped running, okay? As but and then yoga and just having to modify even the poses for having a belly in way and not being as as flexible or having that same kind of range of motion even walking sometimes can uncomfortable. But you know that I value an active lifestyle and how important that is for our physical mental and social emotional well-being. So it's been about kind trying to find what fits in this new body in this time. and I remember where I going with that tangent, but
I think that Yeah, it's important to. really focus on trusting yourself and setting aside any self-doubt because your knows what it's doing and especially in like that birth thing. peace of women have been giving birth for so many centuries the body is built for birth, and we do know what to do. And so allowing that that's a of letting go of control.
acknowledge too because I know that there are people out there who experience. High risk pregnancies or challenges throughout their pregnancy and then challenges in the birthing process. So I really want to acknowledge. that too and just knowing that
you can also trust yourself even in those times when feels like maybe your body has quote unquote. Let you down or or whatever other thoughts might be going through your mind of like a why me kind thing when you're you're going through all these challenges and like an immense amount discomfort. And knowing that there's a beautiful gift on other side. I think is the really precious piece to be able to cherish. So that is one massive transition that I am going through right now and you can relate that to You any other type of transition and change in I have actually always felt like I'm continuously birthing something right like a years ago. I birthed the podcast and I'm always working on writing a book. I this is like my third year working on this book that need to be a little bit more accountable for and
Clean it up and get it ready to be published because it's just a mish bash right now. It needs it needs to be I guess when I cleaned up, I mean like organized and Get ready for that birthing process that one's that one's still in gestational phase. It's been there for a and same thing with like running a business and you know other other jobs that I've had like we're always in these different kind of building growing learning if will nurturing justational phase and then we birthed something and it's beautiful and then we continue to nurture it and watch it grow and Foster that so you can really I hope connect this episode to other things in life and the importance of being able to I'm going it being able to trust yourself and trust your body through these different. phases of your life What's interesting about pregnancy I find is it's so rapid versus other things in life. Take more time. Take longer than nine months like nine months at first. It like a long time. But once going through it, it's like holy commolie. This was a really fast like I said rapid transition and now I'm
on the the part where there's like uncertainty where baby could come in four weeks could come in like eight weeks. You don't know you don't get to decide. Versus if you're starting a new job somewhere typically, you you sign something, you know when you're going start.
And I had realized and not just around. parent Hood But there's a few other things that the parent hood has sparked that I need to be able to do for the first time, you know different things with my work and different with my lifestyle that I'm not familiar with. I'm not an expert in and I realized I was having a ton of anxiety. and I was like what is going? On here. I'm like, everything's fine. Like know everything is gonna be okay. I'm I'm working really hard to to get everything in order. why do I feel so worried and fearful and an anxious and then I clued into it and I was like, oh most of the things I'm doing right now.
Our firsts first time becoming a parent a few other firsts in my work and in my lifestyle, like I said, there's a big shift happening. And that can be a really scary place to be is in that uncertainty of I don't know what's expected of me to a certain extent. I don't know if I am doing the right thing choosing the right thing. I don't know what the outcomes gonna be. Like do I have any expertise in these areas? Who do I ask for help? What resources do I have at my disposal? and they're so I have that happening in. maybe three or four areas of life right now and once I was able to identify that that was really the source of
feeling that sense of anxiety. That just called me right down. I was like oh because you can have so much compassion for yourself when you recognize. ah This is what it's coming from. Well, of course, you're nervous, of course, like what a beautiful space to be in to have that compassion for self and that understanding like yes, of course you haven't done this one before you haven't done this one before and then this one before how can you expect yourself to be I think perfect and to know what you're doing and to have expertise. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we really I keep using the word expertise because
we want to be perfect and we want to be experts almost at everything we're doing and and I don't know exactly where that comes from. I feel like there's a level of this. Societally I'm curious to if like social media plays a part in it. It's like we can only there's so many accounts on social media that and I say this also having not been on social media for like over a year.
but there's so many accounts that are like everyone is kind of niched down. Like you're an expert at like one subject and you do this one thing perfectly and it's your identity and people recognize you for this. Like if you're a personal trainer, you're on social media as your personal trainer account. That's what you do Fitness is your life you post pictures of your body and food and work out routines. And if your hair dresser you post videos of your hair and other people's hair and different conferences that you've been to on hair and your skills and your aesthetic studio. And if you are a personal chef you are posting pictures of food that you make and you're posting pictures of other people's food. Maybe you're proving promoting them. And so We really Niche down. to this level of seeking out a very specific identity for ourselves and humans are multi-dimensional. We have so much potential. We have so many skills and strategies to take on a number of different qualities. So it is really sad and scary when I see us trying to be just one thing because we are not just one thing we Are so much more. Like I said, I love the word multi-dimensional I'd think I think it's so special to be able to look at
ourselves in that way of. You know, I'm not just one thing. I don't just have to be an expert at one thing and actually each different area of my life. I'm building skills that can be transferable and apply to other areas of my life. So it's such a beautiful way to be able to look at that and how much more does that flow and give you flexibility and strength and freedom in the range of areas of your life rather than in one specific area that you have to be absolutely perfect in because often when the pendulum swings so far to one extreme and we are trying to be perfect in this one area. It might look like on things like social media. Yes. This person is a fantastic expert at what they do. Or who they're trying to be in this one situation, but the other areas of their life might be suffering because of it and that's when we experience, you know, burnout fatigue procrastination. We feel like we can't do anything else else because we're stuck in this one identity. So that's another piece that I have just been trying to make peace with is the idea of not knowing the idea of not being an expert and then holding that space for compassion with myself of yes, of course, you are having this level of anxiety and how do we keep you motivated? How do we keep you connected? How do we keep you resourced and calm and healthy through navigating this these multiple new chapters new faces that are all happening. sacked same time, you
So I started recording this podcast. Probably a month ago, maybe even more and I in my office space then just on one of my breaks and was recording and now I come to you over a month later. And I'm sitting in babies soon to be room our nursery and it's all set It's super cute. We are. Feeling ready and feeling excited. and
yeah, it's really nice and I think it's an invitation. as to Where we can bring in and add in more love in lives where we can bring in and add in more nurturing. In our lives and the piece that I was speaking of before a month ago about being multi-dimensional where can you incorporate the different aspects of you the different aspects of your personality your skills different tools strategies different even people in your life different people that were with at different times activate different parts us. For example, maybe you're more creative with certain people or outdoorsy with some people or I know there's certain people that I just know when I'm around them. I'm going be power laughing with and then others not so much. So I think the piece about you know having a baby. Especially and with any other big life transition or switch or navigating a new role. I look at it as an invitation for growth and an invitation for shifting and to at where are you? Stuck or trapped or not free or feeling not completely authentically you and using
these moments. as pivotal and instead seeking like we're always as humans kind seeking out, you know, the next the next thing the next best thing the next and dopamine hit the next, you purpose or meaning in our life. And instead of continuing to seek that out because when we that we get into kind of this tunnel vision. So rather than that. sitting in the moment and allowing these next chapters to come to you allowing the school of life and experience to be your teacher to your mentor to be your guide to help certify you in these next. phases rather than you seeking out the next Job, the next opportunity the next I don't It's cool degree or certificate online. How can you use the actual experiences that you are going through as? as a gift as as your teacher. In this lifetime because that's what it's all about to be able to look at the things in terms of a big picture and draw from our own experiences and successes and and failures and use those experiences as feedback to propel us forward. So looking at these pivotal moments as gifts. for your growth and So see the things specifically about pivoting into Parenthood motherhood having a baby? really asks us to grow our capacity for love and for nurturing and for adding Beauty
and fullness into our lives and aliveness into our lives and fun and joy, and even if you're not in that transition to Parenthood, I ask you where is the beauty and aliveness and fun in your life? I think that's an important part that we often. Forget as adults is that sometimes things? Yeah can be work. Or things that we need to do but also like where's the fun? Where's the joy? We have to continue to shift out of this restrictive. punishing with drawing with holding threatening attacking kind of fear Beast mentality and you know we've talked about before on the podcast eating disorders. or any kind disordered eating are a example of this for restricting our food intake earn and burn cycle. We've talked about where you know I have to do. at kind of workout to earn this kind food or level of Food or level workout I have to do intensity so I can have this food. So that's the earn and burn cycle. So there's that piece. And then, you know like punishing to or like with holding food from yourself restricting. making it conditional and those are all ways that we nurture ourselves and provide our bodies with fuel and nutrients and replenish
ourselves from the work of just being not even doing anything just being and we punish ourselves by taking away our fuel our source fuel and you know I think that instead of and that's just one example of many areas in life where you know, we do this and kind of self harm or self-sabotage and I think
we need to get into habit of approaching ourselves and our lives with more love and nourishment not just in food. Yes in food, but in the grand scheme of things and all kinds of different areas of our lives. So where can you look at? Where's the aliveness? Where's the fun? Where's the joy? Where can bring in more love more nourishment more nurturing? How do I add things into my life? Not in the sense making it a busy plate? Like there's a difference between I've talked about this on the podcast before a difference between Having a busy life and a schedule that like overloaded. Or even in terms of if you think self-care having to like do all the things to the point where it leads to like burnout and and that's an extreme right where you don't even want to do all the then so like because how many people quote unquote jump on the wagon of dieting and extreme exercise and then quote unquote fall off and then from there. Don't want do anything because of having that experience where we're not in Balance. So when I adding things in I mean in terms of to make your life more full not more busy. And so that could look like if we're gonna keep going on this like food example that could look like adding in more vegetables adding more fruits adding in more water adding in more time for walking. It doesn't have to look like cutting certain things out of your diet or only doing certain times. Sorry certain types of workouts or at certain times of the day.
and yeah, do think about this idea of adding things in to make life more full. Where can you If these different areas of your life are like a bank account, where can you deposit and know that it's okay to make withdrawals because you're going to also keep adding in.
and I think that's where we get stuck to is because if we're constantly making withdrawals then we get into. That's the Other Extreme of like if we say we don't want to be like busy and depleted in that sense.
If we're constantly like adding way too much on to our plate or like expecting a of ourselves. If you're making a ton of withdrawals as well. Then you are gonna feel depleted but in a different way, so one is more. If you look at it like anxious symptoms, like if we have too going on we're hyperactive. You're anxious worried you have difficulty resting and the other if you're taking too out of the bank account of life or like quote unquote overindulging or Like oversleeping or procrastinating and struggling in that sense the more depressive symptoms low energy low motivation. And just doing things that are for leisure and enjoyment, but they actually lead to more feelings of guilt and regret and sorrow and suffering. We need to find that balance right here count has got to be balanced. And so how do we add in? in a uplifting and fulfilling way that love joy nurturing allowing ourselves to experience and aliveness in life. And it's the same in our relationships, you know, we're constantly withdrawing from relationships whether you need to lean
on your partners for support they need to lean on you. You're doing something that they want like going to I don't know their families get together or their friends get together or maybe you know, they've had a tough week. So you really need to support them and treat them and nurture them or vice versa and or maybe they're going through a tough time financially. So you've got to help them out other ways. We make withdrawals are sometimes in Conflict as well. If you're not vacating a challenging time with your partner. and you know things come up.
Where you need to compromise or they need to compromise or maybe you just can't agree on something at all. Those are times when you're kind of withdrawing from the account. So thinking of what are other times when you can add in to make the account more? full and more balanced and contribute. Can you plan things together? Can you do an activity of common interest together play games together? Can you speak the other person's love language and you know complement them or do a household chore that they would like, you know, like the acts of service. Peace complements what's another love language the the physical touch? And so like can you hold their hand even when you know you're upset or you weren't planning on it or can you give them hug or just go out of your way to be there for them in the way that they need you there's also the affirmations like, can you? Tell them that they're doing a great job or that you're proud of them or whatever it is that contributes to your relationship account rather than constantly making withdraws. So for whatever. Transition you are going through in your life right whether it is a transition to Motherhood to Parenthood whether it's a transition navigating a new relationship a new job. and move Anything in your life, where can you find the joy the aliveness? Fun to set yourself free. Where can you use the School of Life as your teacher and remember that you are multi-dimensional and so gifted and so talented and show up in that way rather than being glued and married to this one Soul image one identity. Because that's where we get really stuck and it's just so important to remember that
you are full of potential you are. capable of so much more than you even know and that is how we increase our capacity to experience love and fullness and nurturing is when we really welcome in all of the different dimensions of ourselves and also be accepting and open to seeing that other people are multi-dimensional and you know, they can change their mind and they can they can speak up to and and they can they can challenge you and we can have that as a dynamic to also learn from rather than this idea of cancel culture and that if somebody else is trying to be in their authenticity as well. We don't just need to shut them down. We can be open to hearing what they have to say and and learning from their experiences too. And I think an important piece of that is that kind of both parties are all parties need to be conscious and open and willing to to build their capacity together So I will continue podcasting again, hopefully more frequently, but I mean, we'll see because we've got this little one on the way shortly we are now due in. Five days from when I'm recording this, so I hear that that journey is unpredictable in itself. So I will my best to be here but until then really. think about these principles in these ideas of
where can you add in more fullness into your life?
That's how we begin to shift patterns. and you know, if you're it's kind of like if you're someone who says they want to read or they want to work out more and you haven't done yet. This is a great time if you're going through a shift. to look at How can I Add this in to make my life more full will this even make my life more full or will it just make my plate busy? Am I just saying I need to do these things. Are there other ways of accessing a you know, I downloaded Audible and I'm obsessed like I was reading books before and like I'll still read here and there but oh gosh, like I have crushed books on Audible and it's so nice to be able to do that. And so how can you set yourself up for success and knowing that? It doesn't have to look one certain way. You don't have to be reading the physical copies of books. You don't have to be doing this certain high-intensity workout. You can make your life more full in a way that is good for you. Okay soon. Bye.