The Better Boundaries Podcast

Burnt out AF with Erin Carroll

February 27, 2023 Season 3 Episode 145
The Better Boundaries Podcast
Burnt out AF with Erin Carroll
Show Notes Transcript

Erin has an incredible sense of humor and is here to share her wisdom and insight with us! I love her stories of trial and error in her own life as she shares how she's navigated through workplace burnout, working in a primarily male dominated field, quitting her job, and more!

This Episodes Themes:

  • Friendships in adulthood
  • Networking & Socializing
  • Burn out & Adjustment
  • Flexibility & Spontaneity 
  • Rigidity & Monotony
  • Comfort zones & expanding your capacity

Quote of the day:  "I understand that you're going through a big adjustment; life is full of big adjustments so hang in there." - my nana

CONNECT WITH ERIN for all things female leadership
Instagram - @leadinglikeher & @leadinglikeerin
Podcast -Leading Like Her
Website - https://www.leadinglikeher.com/

Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com

Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.

It was early November when I actually quit. And because I I realized I was, I was crying every night at, you know, I was calling my mom and crying every night. Like, you know, I just, I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. I'm so burnt out. I'm just frustrated. 

Well, welcome, Erin, to the Better Boundaries podcast. I'm really excited that you're here. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. I'm super pumped. This is so great. OK. So I threw the question out to the group on, like, how are people coping with, like, work, life, boundaries and everything. So we're going to dive into that today. But before we get to that, can you tell my audience a bit about you and just, you know, who you are, what you do and what lights you up? Yeah, so um, I AM 36 years old. I'm currently living in Indianapolis and I lived in Seattle for the last 10 years. So moving to India has been relatively new and in the last couple of months I've actually switched jobs. So I'm currently a senior project manager for a large agricultural company and I also host a podcast called leading like her, some more leadership focused and where I kind of share my. Experience and operations and being a leader in manufacturing. But really what gets me excited is seeing other women just **** *** and enjoy life and get, you know, pump each other up, you know, and really enjoy being around each other. And I think that's part of why I really connected with, you know, what you posted and what you were saying. Because, I mean, anytime I get to come on and inspire, motivate anybody is a good day, right? I love that so much. And I guess, OK, my question for you would be because you have this passion for like bringing women together and like pumping them up and just kind of all getting on the same page, building community. Did you have any experiences 

growing up where that wasn't the case, where it was like, you know, that narrative of like girls are snippy, women are mean, like ****** essentially. So I don't know, did you have those experiences or were you all your experiences? Good. And then you're like, OK, I want to bring this good to everyone else. What's it like? You know, it's, it was a mixed bag. I mean, when I was young like in in grade school and in high school, there was definitely the clicks and the cattiness. And I went to a very small grade school and so there were a lot of girls. And so there was like 1 big Cool Kid group and the rest of us outsiders. And I definitely wasn't a cool kid. I took Latin instead of Spanish, you know, so I wasn't in like. The common classes and I was small and nerdy. I liked reading. And so, you know, these weren't things that in the 90s were like cool. I think there are a heck of a lot more cool now, but they weren't in the 90s and so I definitely experienced a lot of bullying as a kid. And even in high school I didn't have a lot of good girlfriends, but I got to college and kind of surrounded myself with some like minded women that were just strong. Personalities and they brought it up, brought out in me a lot of, I think, what was already there and a lot of the strength that was already there. And then when I graduated and went into the real world. I went into a very male dominated industry and so there weren't a lot of female mentors in manufacturing for me to look up to and. I think in the last five years or so, I've really been inspired by what I've seen in terms of women supporting women. And a lot of these female CEO's for the first time in history, over 10% Fortune 500 countries or countries, companies are led by women. And I think that that's, you know, that's a huge milestone, but it's still only 10% 

and so. It's been really cool in the last couple of years to to see women kind of supporting each other and growing and and sharing and hyping each other up. And I've been really lucky in my adult life to experience a lot of that and so really coming from, you know, not so supportive. Younger self to really a very supported and very motivated adult. I just now I'm just like let's freaking go. Like I feel like we have all this momentum and I don't want, I don't want us as a culture to lose it and so I just want to ride that wave. 

So good. OK. So like, yeah, you're in the midst of it and just like keep on trucking. So I guess to what? What do you use? Like what skills do you use to like bring people with you? Because obviously you have your podcast. How are you like reaching out to people and collecting people and like helping people to jump on this wave with you so to speak. Ohh you had a soapbox moment for me. Yes I will get a girl excuse me while I step on it. I. I probably have. You know, I have 75 plus episodes. I think more than half of them are dedicated to networking. Get on LinkedIn. I know everybody calls it like the dinosaur social media site. I don't care. It's a professional ish website and I find most of my guests through LinkedIn. I find colleagues, I find job opportunities. This last job or opportunity that I had was from a recruiter that found me on LinkedIn. And so I think it is a very underestimated platform. And everybody loves social media and Instagram and tick tock and all that stuff. But I think people are sleeping on LinkedIn a little bit, especially when it comes to professional development and professional networking. And I will shout it from the rooftops. I have gotten so many opportunities, speaking opportunities, business opportunities from different connections that I found on that platform and. I have found a lot of women that love supporting other women on that platform. And so if you are looking for podcasts that guests, speakers, authors, just just anybody that's really excited and motivated to ride that wave, that is the platform that I use quite a bit. And then on the other side of it, using the other social media, I am an introvert. I do tend to like being at home. More than I like being outside and as a leader that can be really tough because as much as I love leading and I love quote, Hamilton, being in the room where it happens. Um, I I recharge by being alone and so using social media, using zoom, using 

a lot of these technological platforms that have gotten so much better since the pandemic. It's one of the few benefits of the pandemic. It really allows for people of all different personality types to connect with each other and. I will shout it from the friggin rooftops. I will get. I will stand on the soapbox all day. I die like you need to be expanding your network constantly and all it takes is one or two messages a day. Hey, I really like the post that you posted, you know? Hey, I like what you stand for or I'm really interested in doing what you do. Can you tell me what journey you took to get there to give me some advice? There's a lot of different ways to approach somebody that will. Help up the odds of them engaging with you back and and I think that that's a really important thing. So that's that's what I use a lot in my life to make sure that I'm finding and connecting with the right folks to keep this momentum going so to speak. Love that. That's like super juicy and so tangible that people can take away. And like as as you were speaking I'm like I'm thinking of Instagram and like reaching out to other people and networking that way. And there's one particular person like I've connected with a few because I was going ham on like what you just said, mine is the LinkedIn. That's fantastic suggestion but I've gone ham on like Instagram for a while like trying to like build those business connections and. And just everything like that. And um, there was one person in particular where she and I like really connected and we met weekly for a while and did like just Instagram lives and we've never actually met in person. But we came, became like friends and checked in on each other. And then I ended up referring her client. She referred someone to me, like it just it became so much more and like, that wasn't the 

goal. Like we weren't, we weren't. Getting into a relationship with one another to be like hmm like what? Can I get a little person? Ohh what can I get out of this person? It was like a genuine connection so I truly value that. I think that's so cool and. Something like that you say like be committed to it and then like on top of that I would add like. Ah, I found it like so discouraging when you are committed to it and it's like things aren't happening. So I guess like being flexible and like maybe pivoting if you're not, I don't know, hearing back from people or what is your advice around that because it can be so discouraging. It's it's something, it's really tough, you know? Just remember that it rarely is ever personal, you know? Especially when you're trying to connect with someone you've never connected with before or someone with a really high profile. Generally speaking, if they don't respond, it's because either one, their assistant is looking at their their messages and didn't deem you worthy, or two. You know they're they're a busy person with a busy schedule and it's not generally intentional or personal. I have reached out two or three times to the same person over the course of like a year and happened on that third try to catch them when they were in a moment that they could reply and and a couple of times it's Oh my God, I can't believe you've you've messaged me before. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize, but. You're never going to connect with someone if you don't reach out in the first place. So if if you're someone that's like well you know, what if I get rejected or what if they don't reply? Then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because then you never do it anyway. And so. You're working this muscle of initiative and engagement just by hitting send and 

your. Tolerance for rejection is going to get better as you do more of it, because there's going to be you're not going to get a response every single time you send a message. I probably have sent thousands of messages and I'd say maybe 15% have responded. And so. A lot of things go ignored. A lot of things I either you know I hey can you be a guest on my podcast and I either don't have the amount of downloads or the amount of. Engagement or interest that they're like, you know, it's not a big enough platform for me. You know, call me back when you have this amount of downloads or whatever. That kind of thing has happened before. That's not to me, a rejection. That's just an OK, that's not right now. Cool. Like, let's file that away and tackle that later. And and so don't get discouraged if you don't get instant gratification. That doesn't mean that the work that you're putting in now won't pay off later. So, damn true. I love that. OK, let's shift and talk a little bit about this life transition that you are going through. And yeah, just like before we hit record, it sounds like we're in opposite kind of phases of life. So I had asked the group like I haven't had like corporate job in so long. Like I've been self-employed for like 2 years, had like very time freedom schedule. And then I was like wondering. How do I come back and, you know, still respect my own boundaries in the workplace and not be worried about, like, people's judgments? Like, if I need to just, like, go outside for a walk or something, like get some fresh air because I've been doing that for a couple of years and like, that's something that, you know, helps my work ethic, helps my anxiety, all that good stuff. So yeah. And then you. It sounds like you're coming from the opposite way. Which 

is going from that more intense work environment to now having a bit more freedom. So yeah, I'll talk about maybe your past, present, future. Yeah, it's kind of weird. So I have spent 15 years. In operations. So I have spent the last 15 years growing within, within, excuse me, within manufacturing. And so I graduated from Purdue University in 2009 and I immediately went into a supervisor role at a large aerospace company in manufacturing and. That was my trajectory for the last 15 years. I just kind of climbed the corporate ladder. I became a plant manager. I moved to Indianapolis to start up this facility here, aerospace facility here in Indianapolis and. You know, all through the pandemic, everybody was at home working and I was going into the office every day because I managed people, I managed operators. You know, machines can't run themselves. There's people to actually manufacture the parts, to build the airplanes and things like that, so. I have always gone into work. I've always gone into work very early. My day usually starts at six, 6:00 o'clock in the morning in the office. And I was always working, you know, 1011 hour days, sometimes sometimes longer, just to make sure that the operation was running the way that it was supposed to. And that was just to me. It was normal. And when I moved to Indianapolis, those days got longer and all of a sudden I was working. Much, much, much longer. And I just moved into, you know, a new city. I just bought my first home and I couldn't even find time to like. Buy furniture, but I had a mattress on the floor for like 3 months and like that. Was it like I looked like a squatter ohh my gosh. Kate do you know what? The time is interesting? I wanna hear the rest of your story? I was just thinking like this week like 

yesterday. I was so busy that I like had weird scheduling for meals and I I've never understood before I love food, so much like I have always like. OK, signing and this podcast used to be called the Better Bodies Podcast because I was like, recovering from eating disorder. But that doesn't mean that I didn't love food. OK, so just for anyone who's like a continued listener, but I've. I ******* loved food. And I still do. And so I never understood when people are like, I didn't have time to eat today. I like, missed breakfast, lunch, dinner. I didn't have time to eat today. I was like, I could never do that. I don't, I don't get it. But that literally happened because, like you said, there was no time to buy furniture. Like, there's no time to schedule a proper meal and like eating raisins on the go. So yeah, something has to shift when we're in those those moments because that's not right. It got weird. It got weird. And again, like it was 15 years of not eating regularly and not having a lot of time. And so for me, I just felt a little bit burnt out. I felt a lot a bit burnt out. And I actually like on a Saturday was like, what am I doing? I I need to find something with a little bit better work life balance. And I quit my job. I didn't have a plan, I didn't have a backup job. I just was like, EFF it, I I'm, I'm lucky enough that I saved my money and I had enough in the bank to float for a couple months. And so I was like, you know. I just like life is too short. I need a little bit of time to figure out what my next move is. And so I just put in my 2 weeks notice and that was it. And you talked to me about like that burnout phase, like when when you knew and you're like head, heart and body that you were like, I've done. Yeah, I knew probably back in September that I was done and there were a few things that were happening 

at work that I just. I wasn't aligned with like I didn't necessarily agree with and um. Some decisions that fell on my shoulders as the plant manager that. That I was just really struggling with you know with with working people you know ridiculous overtime and and finding different methods of doing things that I just didn't align with my values as a leader and so. That added a lot of mental stress and strain to an already very physical and mentally difficult job. And so back in September, I was already kind of struggling and but I was like, you know. I just moved here. This is a new job. This is just kind of the the get to know you phase and like once I get everything organized the way that I want to, it'll kind of die down. And. I was able to kind of like ride on that thought for a couple more weeks and I got through October and it was early November when I actually quit. And because I I realized I was, I was crying every night at, you know, I was calling my mom and crying every night. Like, you know, I just, I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. I'm so burnt out. I'm just frustrated. I love the team. I love the folks that I'm working with. I have a connection with them. But I'm just really struggling with how to manage this. Group and how to lead this group in a way that the business wants me to. And. It my my parents were both very supportive. My mom was like just freaking quit. Like from from the beginning. She was like, if you don't like it, you'll find something else. But it really took moms longer to get there. They really are. I love you mom, but like, it took me a lot longer to get there, but all of a sudden it clicked all of a sudden. Literally overnight, it was like. What am I doing? Like why am I here? And I was physically sick. Like my digestive tract was all sorts of ******. Like, not to get into TMI, but you know what I mean. And I was like 

nauseous and I was breaking out and I was gaining weight and I wasn't. But what I wasn't eating. Like, it was like there were so many physical things that happened when your body is under stress that. You know, I was a walking billboard for burnout and it just. And and I was getting panic attacks like I was having these anxiety attacks and so. You know, to anybody that's listening that even remotely connects to this, I would really advise that you just take a step back and evaluate what it is that's triggering that for you. And it may not be your job, it may be something in your life, but nobody is meant to live like that. And and it really took that experience for being me. Like, **** it, I'm done. And so I had planned on just. Getting through the holidays. And really starting to to hunt for a job at the beginning of the year. But lo and behold, like 2 weeks after I quit my job, here comes a recruiter on LinkedIn. And sent me a note and said, hey, I saw your job description. You seem like a good fit for this role. Do you want to talk about it? And I was like, well, I guess we're going to talk about it. That's so cool. Yeah. I mean, the universe was looking out for me for sure. Like to actually be reached out to and not have to go seek something is that's massive. Yeah. And so. I'm really lucky, so I ended up taking a job. I'm now a senior project manager for operations, like I said at a large agricultural company in the US and so now I'm remote so I work from home with 40% travel, so it is quite a bit of travel. To different sites across the country. I just came back from Texas. I'm going to Omaha NE next week, which is not exciting at all, but it's really freaking cold. But it's cool cuz it's a brand new 

industry. For me it's a different role. It's not operations. I have nobody reporting to me, which is for the first time in 15 years, so it's a really odd feeling. Being able to work at home and like leggings is kind of weird. I haven't. I'm in the opposite of ubri where. But it's still the same where I like, I don't know what what's right and what's normal yet. Yeah, and I I also, don't I I'm finding it hard to slow down. Because I was just constantly running and I had all of these, you know, meetings and crazy expectations. And I this job, while it's while it's challenging, just moves at a different pace. And like I said, I'm two months into it and I'm still adjusting to that pace and not seeing everybody every day. And yeah, prioritizing taking walks and eating meals and getting outside the house because I'm climbing the freaking walls some days. Especially in the winter. Holy crap is it like so easy to just not leave your house for like 3 days so. So yeah, so like I I'm just in this transition mode where I'm trying to figure out what the new rules are and and it's exciting, but it's also just really. Disconcerting in some ways. Yes, 100% like and thank you for saying all that because it it's so true both ways and some people might be like oh like at least you get to like work at home and you're leggings. But it's like we still like after that many years of it's all this like rural governed behavior and expectations of from others and judgments from others. We still internalize those and place those on ourselves and it's like what what am I supposed to do for myself now. And it's interesting that you mentioned like adjusting because my Nana. Checked in with me today and like asked how I was doing and I said like I what did I? 

I'm just looking at my text here. But what I said to her I said I'm struggling to adjust, like having to be somewhere first thing in the morning for five days a week. But like, and then I told her some good things about it. And she said, and I always love her words of wisdom because she's the best. And it's like, I understand the big adjustment, but life is all about adjustments. So hang in there. And I'm like, yeah, it's a good point. Like knowing everything that she's been through and like the amount of years she's been on this planet and just hearing that, like, life is all about adjustment. I'm like, OK, that's a good way to put it. We do get really rigid and stuck in our ways and I guess. What are a couple different? Nuggets of information, encouragement, empowerment that you can share with the audience before we wrap up. Like maybe three things unlike how. To stay sane during an adjustment. Like you're going through. Yeah, I am going through it right now and every day is a little bit different. Every day is kind of an adventure for me. But one thing I've learned, you know, one thing I learned late last year was like, you need to. You need to prioritize yourself and realize, I mean, I know it's it's outdated and I'm gonna millennial date myself, but it's like you only live once, Yolo *******. Yolo, you know, and I'm like totally total millennial moment here, but it's so true because. Like, we get into these routines and into these patterns where you get up, you go to breakfast, you know, you workout, you eat, you go to work, you come back, you eat dinner, you go to bed, you repeat it the next morning and you need to break that up with big things, right? I am. One of my big things this year is I wanna do the rim to rim on the Grand Canyon at the end 

of the year and so. Like, I want to make sure that I have, you know, runs and hikes, plan on the weekends and different things that break up the monotony of your day-to-day to to make life interesting. Like life needs to be interesting because regardless of whether you're in a corporate job or you're running your own business or you're in the middle like me, or you're doing something remote like your life can get really, really monotonous really, really quickly and like you're you're only. Only your age right now. You know, tomorrow you're going to be slightly older. And So what are you gonna do to make sure that, you know, when you are our grandparents age, you're like, wow, I had a really ******* awesome life. Like, these are the cool things that I did in my life, and I guarantee you, you know that. You know, day in, day out, you know, checking emails every day is not going to make your highlight real. Like you need to find something that's going to hit your highlight reel every year. And so. So that's my challenge to everybody. And then my advice to everybody is find something this year that's going to make your life highlight real and then just focus on it and build towards it and enjoy it, enjoy the process. That's so well said. I love that so much. I'm also a huge fan of like, I'm pretty spiritual and there were Angel numbers on the clock while you're talking about it was 333 just Sam. But like, so everyone's feeling it. We're feeling the high vibes on that one. But. Ah for and for anyone to who feels like they can't hold the capacity of that because it sounds like that's outside of your comfort zone too. Like breaking the monotonous lifestyle up with big things. You're like I would rather stay home, same. I literally have a mug in my office that says homebody like but I've been asking myself that too with this schedule of wake up, 

workout, go to work, come back. But that's to do it all again. Would I rather do that? Or like last week, I had the opportunity to go spend time with friends after work and I did it reluctantly. I said I would go and then I panicked and I was like, I can't do that. I don't have the capacity for this. I don't have the energy to socialize. After my long day literally had a full on meltdown, I texted my boyfriend. I said I'm not going, I can't go. I am way too tired for this and. Somehow talked myself back into it because I was like, the alternative is you'll go home, you'll put your slippers on like every single night, and you'll watch RuPaul's Drag Race and eat snacks. I'm like, I can literally do that any night and I'm. I'm choosing to not spend time with other social beings and I'm all for listen to your body, self-care, blah blah. But sometimes we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and so like, it sounds like for you like planning the hikes and the runs and stuff, like maybe sometimes that's not your. Favorite like first choice, but it's like you know it's going to benefit you in the long run. Yeah, I don't like, I usually only run when I'm being chased by zombies, so this year is going to be interesting. But yeah, I mean it. It really comes down to getting comfortable with being uncomfortable for me this year. And and getting over that burnout and that physical and like the physical part of the burnout, the mental stuff takes a little bit more work. But you know, the physical part of the burnout, I'm like, I'm over, I'm done. Let's get back to healthy habits. Let's get back to intuitive eating and let's go climb the Grand Canyon. So. Amen. Tell everyone where they can find you connected to listen to your podcast. This yeah. Yeah. So again, my name is Erin Carroll. Carroll Pete Carroll, the Seahawks coach. Unfortunately, we're not related, but my podcast 

is called leading. Like her. My Instagram account for my podcast is at leading like her LEADLIKER 

all one word. My personal account is leading like. Aaron. And again, I'm on Facebook and Instagram and then I'm also on LinkedIn. So if you want to catch me again on LinkedIn, Erin Carroll, Carroll, 2 hours 2L. Carol, I'm always looking for new opportunities and to network on LinkedIn, so please hit me up there. But those are the big socials that I'm on and and yeah, thanks for having me. This was awesome. And yeah, I'm super pumped to see where you go this year too. Likewise, we have to keep in touch over this and just like send updates and I'll link all of your info in the show notes. Actually, I just like it popped into my head. It would be cool if we did like a six month reevaluation of where you're at with the remote work and where I'm at with the the corporate lifestyle. So yeah, totally. Six month update, see, because you know what too. I feel like people think that. The adjustment. Is going to be quick or like, they're going to just like, fall into it. It's not, not even a little bit. It's not yet. I've been, I've been at this two months and I'm still feeling like, it's like it was yesterday. And I'm still like, do I wake up to an alarm in the morning anymore? Like, yeah, it's so weird, especially since most of my colleagues are in central time. So they're an hour behind me. And so it's just, yeah, the adjustment. Is just super weird. So yeah, six months from now, hopefully we'll have a little bit better handle on it. Sounds good. Let's do it. Let's check in. We'll give everyone an update and whatever wisdom we have taken on, then we'll share. Excellent. Thank you so much for doing this. Has been awesome. Yeah, anytime. This is great.