Patricia Cosulich (@patricia.cosulich) is a Southern California-based life coach, podcaster, playwright, and social innovator. After experiencing many unexpected changes in her life, including chronic Lyme disease, Patricia decided to embrace adaptability. She inspires others to pivot and find alignment through her podcast, The Transitions Project, as well as her group coaching program, Your Next Chapter. Additionally, she wrote The Great Imitator – a play that blends documentary theatre and imaginative fiction – in order to raise awareness and build community for Lyme warriors. When Patricia is not coaching, you can find her partner dancing and hanging out with loved ones. You can learn more about her work at www.patriciacosulich.com.
In today's episode, we discuss:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
Patricia Cosulich (@patricia.cosulich) is a Southern California-based life coach, podcaster, playwright, and social innovator. After experiencing many unexpected changes in her life, including chronic Lyme disease, Patricia decided to embrace adaptability. She inspires others to pivot and find alignment through her podcast, The Transitions Project, as well as her group coaching program, Your Next Chapter. Additionally, she wrote The Great Imitator – a play that blends documentary theatre and imaginative fiction – in order to raise awareness and build community for Lyme warriors. When Patricia is not coaching, you can find her partner dancing and hanging out with loved ones. You can learn more about her work at www.patriciacosulich.com.
In today's episode, we discuss:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
Not being in chronic stress. And when you give yourself the recovery time, you actually. Can perform at a high level during your designated work time.
welcome, Patricia, to the Better Boundaries podcast. How you doing? I'm doing great. Thanks so much for having me, Bria. Yeah. So. Oh, my goodness. Just before we hit record, having all these different topics in mind, kind of brainstorming, and I'm excited to see where this will go. But first, can you give folks kind of a background on who you are, what you do, what lights you up, all that good stuff? Oh, that's a great question. So I am a social innovator. Life coach and also a podcaster and playwright, so I really love creative endeavors and communications. And anything idea oriented. So social innovation is creative as well. It's just applying. A problem solving and design thinking to social issues. So I have a background with project design for that and those are the things I do as far as what lights me up. I love dancing. Oh, OK. And then do you have a background as a dancer or has that been something that you've just gotten into for like, movement, self-expression? What's that? So there's an evolution. I was never a competition dancer. Like I wasn't the dance mom girl like the child of a dance mom. It wasn't like that. But I did do. I had some dance training, mostly because I did musical theater growing up. So I wasn't the best dancer, but I enjoyed it and it was part of. Being a triple threat or trying to be. Yeah and. Mostly tap was my favorite and. I really enjoyed it. It was just. The tricky thing about performing, especially in musical theater, is that someone else chooses your casting, and so someone else's control of you doing the thing you love. And that was really hard for me. And it can have to do with a lot of other things, like your body type, their preferences, like it's not only.
Skill and and that was really, really hard. And so actually in high school I was introduced to partner dancing. I started swing dancing, which is an improvisational social thing, and I fell in love with it. I totally caught the bug and what I loved most about it and it made me feel super alive and I loved that. I could dance all night and no one could tell me I had to sit on the bench. Hmm. So I could start at 8:00 PM and go until 1:00 AM. I mean, in high school I didn't always get to see. I didn't get to stay out that late. But yeah, I could Just Dance for four or five plus hours and dance almost every song. And it was just the happiest place on Earth for me. That's unreal. OK and then how does it look now? Like, do you still continue that swing dancing? Like, what are you doing now? I don't dance nearly as often as I used to because when I started, I was totally addicted to it. And I was, as soon as I got a car and was out of on summers or school breaks, I would go three to five nights a week. I was crazy. Yeah, it was a lot. That is not sustainable for me, though. It was fun for a season. And now? I like. I probably only well, you know, I was gonna say I would only go once every month or couple months or few months. But just recently my partner and I started taking Latin dance lessons and we've gone pretty consistently each week and then I get to stay a little bit in social dance for a while. So still a swing dancer, but I actually don't do it as much anymore. I, you know, I've been doing it for, I don't know, know, plus, maybe almost 7 to 10, I think, like 10 years, actually. And I plateaued a little. And it was one of those things where if I wanted to. Grow. I would need to join a team or hire a private instructor and I just wasn't ready for that level of investment of resources. And I was like, but I still want to be challenged. I want the brain growth like I wanna have a new obstacle. So a different dance style was a good way to do that. So neat. And yeah I love diving into dance in terms of self-expression. So and I just, I'm doing a lot of, you know, mental health work with kids right now. And I see how
how important movement is in terms of like health, Wellness, taking care of yourself. And I see how we get so rigid and that it has to look a certain way and I see kids who are spending that like free kind of. Hobby leisure time. You know, playing so many video games, they're on their phone and doing some movement, but not really having the unstructured time to be like, oh, I I like to dance or I like this type of movement. And I used to make dance videos in my basement. There's some corange ones on YouTube to like an account that I have when I was like 12 that I don't know the password to. So they'll always be on there. And they're just so bad. But it's like, I loved it. I loved performing and like filming myself on the like I would wear my costumes from recreational dance, but make up my own dance. And, you know, I've just recently started reconnecting with that in adulthood. So I think it's it's so cool. It's such a neat form of movement and enjoyment. So I'm glad you brought that up because, yeah, especially I feel like people think that even because, like, if they don't have. Training in it from their younger years, they can't engage in it now and it's like, no, I think music is something that brings us all joy, so any type of connection is huge that way. Yeah, and it was definitely a mental shift to go from. Doing the arts and whatnot for excellence and for performance and wanting to be one of the best, then going I'm allowed to mess up and this is entirely for fun. And it was actually hard and there was a lot of recovering from perfectionism there. Yeah, but it was really good for me. Ohh yes. OK. I love that. I feel that too. And I'm definitely not now. We're covered for it from it. Like still in
it. Like it still. It's that like strict mindset of it needs to look a certain way when it really doesn't. So I love that you say that. And it's interesting with the Latin dance now, because I'm asking myself that question of OK, I want to. Become advanced at this and not that I need to compete, I really don't care about that, but I want to. Become really good and I'm going hey, what does it look like to? Learn the style and grow for enjoyment, but not to look a certain way and I think. I like to think I'm doing a good job of that where I do it. You know, it's like a good mental challenge to try to. Excel at it. And I'm still totally beginner, so I have like the joy of being a beginner and not being that good. But it's interesting to have the goal but not have it coming from a place of scarcity, or thinking I'm not enough, or worrying that I don't look good or someone's gonna judge me. So that's the best I know how at this point. We'll see if that shifts in the future. So, so good. OK, and. Jump ship from this like self-care piece to let's talk about the chronic illness side of things and because I know you had said when you were doing the dancing in high school do going that often like three to four days a week that you hit a point where you weren't able to do that anymore. Is that when things set in or what's it looked like for you? Yeah. So, I mean, this goes into transitions into other topics because it's not. It's not really just about the dancing. It wasn't like I burned out just from dancing. I just burned out. And. I. Started showing a lot of symptoms of invisible illness in 11th grade. Actually more like 9th grade, but 11th grade was the point of Oh my gosh,
how can I function wow and so young. Yeah, it was really young. Were so dumb. I started having neurological issues, so the worst symptom was I had a headache that lasted 8 years Yeah, it was nuts with no head injury. No head injury? Oh my gosh. That's just really severe chronic tension and brain inflammation. Wow. And. I started having memory issues, so this was maybe a little bit in high school and then it got worse in college where I would forget words. So everything became, you know, the thing, the thing, the thing thing. And I would have a lot of senior moments, walk into a room, forget why I was there. I sometimes would even forget loved ones names. That was really scary and it was bizarre because I knew I was losing my memory. And I would say, am I developing dementia at 19? Yeah, consciously develop dementia. Like can you know that it's happening? Interesting. That's a good question. Yeah, it was really weird and. I also started dropping things. I lost my hand strength and I had always been pretty active and and I became really fatigued. So eventually at one point I was sleeping 14 hours a day and I was still exhausted. And my body hurt. Everything ached and was sore. My legs felt like lead, so walking became super laborious. And that's it in a nutshell. And then I'm so curious too. What were you like? Mentally at that point because. Yeah, I just wonder if there's like. The disconnect of like, were you on the inside being like, I wanna move, I wanna do all these things. I'm so active. Like, I wanna have fun, I have these creative ideas, but my body won't let
me. Like was there resistance between the two or were mentally were you also like, yeah, no, I'm, I'm done. Yeah, it was not a pretty time. It was definitely the messiest period of my life. And. To add insult to injury, around the same time I was already actually sick. Hmm. But then my dad died of alcohol poisoning and. It was just.
A train wreck of a time. And so I shouldn't laugh about it, but it you know it's it was just it was really messy and. There was a combination. So as far as wanting to be active, I did start to feel imprisoned in my body. I felt like I wanted to do all of these things and I couldn't. And that was really hard. There were years of therapy. And. It really helped me. To confront hustle culture and unlearn it and start to. Find my identity and just being me and not being so attached to all of the achievements I had before.
One of the strengths, though, was that while I. Was not able to do all of the exercise and activity and. Things they had done before. I did still have my imagination and I think that's. One of the top two things that carried me through that. Was having the ability to still dream, to still have hopes, still have imagination, to have ideas. And something I would do. I'm really, I mean into the arts, right? And I really like beauty, not in a super materialistic sense, but there's just like something about nature and art that really feels expansive for me. And so actually, I think that was one of the most expansive and spiritually fulfilling times of my life because I leaned into it so heavily. And so actually, now that I'm much healthier, I feel less connected to that. Which is interesting. I think it's easiest to lean on, maybe not easiest, but we're more prone to really lean into spirituality and creativity and all of that when we're going through a really hard time. So that was a gift. And I it forever changed my worldview and just my like approach to. Creativity and spirituality. It's so amazing because even when you're on the up and up afterward, it's not like you just ditch that entirely and you're like, well, spirituality. Creativity helped me through my rough time. I don't need it anymore. It's like a full on.
Dare I use the term awakening like it? It really just becomes ingrained as a, I don't know, supportive tool, supportive system, a way of being. So I love that. I think that's so cool. Thank you. And it was an awakening. And I'm grateful for that. And then it's. Interesting though to me how? Even after going through an experience like that, that's so transformative. As I take on more activities, more responsibilities, different types of work and tasks, it is still easy to fall into task mode and disconnect from that level of presence. And so I think. There's an interesting journey of integration of as you because. Essentially, I was flattened on my back for a little bit of like you can't work, you can't go to school, you can't do a lot and. So to then go from that to actually being busy again and doing a lot of things, but still, you know, not getting so caught up in the day-to-day and trying to make space and remember. There is still room for better. Processing.
Oh, and how do we get to that space? Like, walk me through this hustle culture piece, because I find that so painful. And like, even today I have this massive To Do List and it always gets disrupted by something. Like something always takes longer than I think it's going to take, or I end up doing this, or I get an idea for this or feel inspired to do this and then. I'm always late for everything. And so then finally I just said OK Brian, we need to let go of the To Do List today because I was noticing, noticing that I was happier and more focused and like my body was physically calmer when I was focusing on the task at hand versus just half of my brain being in the task and half of my brain being on the next item on the To Do List. So today I literally said **** it, I was like, we have to, you have to. Let this go and just not be so stuck to that list and it makes things feel a lot better. It is scary. It's like a crutch is what it feels like and maybe not even a crutch. It's a bit more than that. Like for me anyway, I like having A to do list feels like oxygen and like. Yeah, so, and I just feel like it's that hustle culture, productivity, like getting that dopamine hit by like ticking things off the the To Do List feels so good, but it also feels so yucky and it feels like you can't escape from it. So for you. How the farts did you get out of that? And what's it look like now? Since you are now able to work, you do have a healthier body now. How do you balance all of it? So. We
have some similar tendencies and growth edges. And it's an ongoing journey, it's not like. It's solved and I'll never have challenges with this ever again. It's different. I think the one of the biggest costs is. When I get stuck in my tasky To Do List almost workaholic mode. Where? I think that can I know that it can creep into my romantic partnership or my family and things like that. So it's something that I really am working on to have clear boundaries between. Focus time and this after this time you're not allowed to work. And just shutting it off and. There's a lot going on here with the nervous system in terms of. Not being in chronic stress. And when you give yourself the recovery time, you actually. Can perform at a high level during your designated work time. So granted, you know, if someone's truly exhausted and has pushed themselves to the absolute brink, then there could be a longer time where you give yourself the rest and it feels like a never ending, insatiable hole where you're like, I rest and I'm not rested and yeah, like there can be. A period where you might feel behind and like you're lagging and it's super profoundly uncomfortable and really awkward, especially if you're addicted to achievement and to do lists. But. For me. During the. Height of the illness. A lot of it was learning to not do and I was very fortunate that I had privilege and resources and support from family members that I was able to actually take a break. And.
The heartbreaking piece is that not everyone who goes through an illness like that actually has the ability to truly stop because they have to keep going to a certain extent to not become homeless to pay their bills. And whatnot, and that's really sad. And actually I would love, if we have time at the end, to have a conversation about boundaries and rest and privilege and how that all fits together. Yeah, but I was fortunate that I was able to take a break. And even though I had the means to do so, it was still mentally hard to do so because there's so much internalized shame and pressure that I have to be doing something. I was very much, you know, the phrase a human doing versus a human being. I was very much a human doing at the time and so. I quit a bunch of leadership positions and stopped involvement in clubs and because I was a hyperactive person and then it reached the point where even with stopping all the extra. Stuff school was still too much and I couldn't balance the medical and the academics, so I took a break from the academic and this is something my therapist at the time helped me work through was. Non attachment to the labels and the activities. And there was a period of learning to embrace nothing and to embrace rest. And it was really hard. But once I was able to let go, there was so much more freedom. And then? As I got better, I was able to. It is. One of those Phoenix metaphor type moments have you burn it all to the ground. And then you get to rebuild and regrow. And so this was actually one of the best gifts of my life was. As a. Progressed being able to consciously design and choose, feeling like I could reinvent myself if I wanted to. I could totally go in a different direction because I did have to let go of so much. So I got to decide what was truly worth it and what was the priority, and that is. A benefit, in a twisted way, of chronic fatigue is that you are forced to become highly
selective and to evaluate very critically and so.
I let go of things and then eventually reached a point where. I realized I was as I became better, I did still love all the things that I loved before, but I just approach it from a very different way rather than needing to do it all all the time. It's much more conscious and I actually have a set of personal rules or criteria. This is actually. This is a great practice and a tool that you or listeners could use. I don't know if you ever done this, but I have. When I'm.
Intelligent enough to think of it. I will actually write criteria for all kinds of things like. I have. A not To Do List and it'll say things like do not sign up for new programs or courses this quarter. Hmm. No more free webinars this quarter. Ohh God bless ohh. My gosh cause like when you said addiction I wrote this down addiction to To Do List and achievement and then you were talking about the extras. Like when like you first you got rid of the extras and then you're like OK those are gone. I'm still like I'm still too stressed out. I'm still experiencing the effects of this so then I have to like go to school and whatever it is and. And those extras of like the webinars, the course, everything we need, everything. Like you have to, you have to be signed up for all of this. It's so much. And that's funny that you mentioned that. Like that's one of the things I let go of was this free weekly learning that I'm doing, which is a really cool opportunity. Like listen to all these thoughts that I used to convince myself that it's important, it's like it's good for your licensing and you'll learn something and you'll network and connect with other professionals are the things we tell. Ourselves and I'm like. But I will get back 75 minutes of my life if I don't go and I like am I getting a certificate out of this? Am I really going to be fully present if I'm there and actually learning? Take is that how I learn best sitting in front of the computer and not always. So I love that you're like yeah I have this not To Do List. Anyway continue as you were with your criteria. Thank you and it's like you said 75 minutes of your life. And even if it's a great event cause I see enticing events all the time and I love a good webinar but I realized. I don't want to spend my day talking about doing the work. I need the time to do the work and the needle movers. And what's the point of going to the networking event if I'm not actually doing the work? So my God, yeah. Yeah. And so. I also have personal rules like do not schedule. And this is funny because I actually, I need to update this list,
but it used to be for me that I wouldn't schedule meetings or calls on Fridays or weekends. And now that window has expanded. We're really, it's more like don't schedule on weekends. So. It's really great to have those types of. Criteria and I even have a list of criteria for podcast guests to see if they're a fit for the show. And. I don't know. I mean, you can really do this for all kinds of decisions. Like, is this job a fit? Is this you know how you spend your time? There are a lot of ways to think about it. That is so cool because it's selective and. It really shows that you value yourself. You know you're not hanging out in desperation of like what can I grasp onto? And I often think of because. So for me my life at times feels like I have planted all these seeds everywhere and like none of them are sprouting because they're all little baby seeds and maybe some of them have like little like roots on them, but nothing has like. Thrown into a full blown plant that is like producing produce or flowers. I don't know, I don't obviously, but like that's what it feels like. And so when you do that and you're being selective, it's like you are pouring the good fertilizer into this plant. You are making sure that it has plenty of sunlight. You are making sure that you're watering it effectively. So I love that. I think that's amazing that you do that. Thank you. And it sounds like we both love to do a lot of projects and a lot of things. So something that I've adopted to navigate that is setting personal. Deadlines or containers of ohh this project is the priority for this season and I still tend
to have, you know, four plus projects going at once, but something I've done. Is say oh, I'm not allowed to start this until I finish this. Or, for example, when it comes to being in coaching containers, because I like to work with other coaches to learn from the industry and other styles. And so right now I'm actually doing a program that's supposed to help you with recovering from perfectionism, managing your time, and just having a different relationship with your lists and your schedule and. For example, I said OK, I'm not going to sign up for any other. New coaches or programs until at least June, and I'm going to really focus on milking what I can out of this program, and I'm not investing in a new one right now. That's so good. And like, I feel like that is a skill that's applicable to any stage or phase of life. Like, I picture even like a new mom or like someone who's pregnant who is like, they're still working. They've picked up like all these baby books, and they're trying to listen to like, all the podcasts and stuff, or like go to this mommy and me group type of deal. But it's like, pick one. Get that, get that together. Get it under wraps. You know, like maybe flip through a few pages of this book before you sign up to go to this class. Or if you learn best in this class, go to that and ditch the books. Like, you don't have to do all of the things to be successful. It's more like, yeah, I like that a lot, pick one, focus all of your attention on it, and I feel like we will reap more of the benefits doing it that way. Love that. And you mentioned the satisfaction of checking an item on. Off the list and how it also feels yucky and there are so many. Thoughts on this?
One of the things because it is true, it's a dopamine hit when you check it off. So I heard of someone doing this. And. I still write things that are unfinished and my written planner, but what I'm trying now is like. Putting less things on the list for each day so that you actually have a chance of finishing them and feeling successful. And then when you feel successful, rather than punishing yourself, you actually reward yourself and you're more motivated to show up the next day. So I mean it's gonna be different for each person, but whether it's only three things instead of 21 things like you pick the needle mover or the essential what you want to do that day. And something else that I sometimes do is like, I have it's, it's messy, but I have this note in my phone where I just write, brained up all the things that need to be done. But then I go through it and see what's really important. And I'll pretty much just as I finish them, then I write them in the written planner and then check them off for the satisfaction of seeing all the things they did that day. And, you know, some people would make fun of that and go, oh, that's cheating because you're just writing the things you succeeded at. I'm like, no, the purpose is to feel successful. That's the point. To see the progress. Yes. OK, that's really refreshing. And it gives you time and space to pick and choose what's important for you. And I love I think you use the word punishment at one point like we are so self punishing if the rest of those like we did three things. I don't know in the 19 items that aren't done like that's where our focus and attention will go to and it's automatically that feeling of. I've failed those feelings and beliefs. Those are exhausting. Like, that in itself is such a stressor. And I guess too, I want to switch gears and for the last little bit, jump on. What
you were saying about boundaries and privilege and all of that, what can you speak to there because. Yeah, it's it's an interesting topic. I've been thinking a lot about privilege lately. I've got a new workplace role where I see a lot of folks who are lower socioeconomic status or just really struggling and. It's made me reflect on how privileged I am. So yeah, I'm interested to hear your take on it. Yeah. Well, I'm also curious to hear yours more in dialogue because. It's more of an exploration than. A set opinion at this point. And.
I actually had a discussion the other day that prompted. This line of thought and they were saying, well, you know how privileged it is that you were able to take these breaks and heal. I went, yeah, I don't deny. That it took a ton of privilege to do that and that that's me reached remission.
And. At the same time, it doesn't make me bad or wrong. That I accepted those resources and decided. To make. Lifestyle and mindset changes to heal because.
So often.
Assuming you have enough like you, you know you have your housing, you have your basic essentials like a lot of middle class Americans and up. I think we deny ourselves. Sometimes of things that we actually do have in abundance, but we have this scarcity mindset and we don't allow ourselves. To do less, but do it better, do it with more intentionality, more consciousness, more presence, and in doing that. I do believe that it's a more responsible stewardship of the privilege and resources you've been given, because when you can sustainably do your impact work, rather than being one of those burned out humanitarians or burned out social do gooders. You actually do more good work over the long haul. And I a lot of times it's hard to not say that's so selfish. That's so privileged of you. It's like no, like it's good. To. Not overwork yourself. If you don't need to. But we often think there's an illusion of needing to be everything for everyone, and that's my point is. Be willing to question. Is it really essential and essentialism by Greg and Cowan is a great book to think about that, but.
There is the caveat of yeah, there are truly times when. Chronic stress? Is the only option. You might be in survival mode as a single mom who's just trying to keep the kids fed, or. Some kind of crisis. Maybe you're caregiving for a family member and working like mean there. There are times. And some people and some families because of a variety of factors. Are going to have. That survival mode for a while. And. It happens. And I think that's where the privilege is, is key. And it's like, yeah, it's not fair and it's not good and it's not healthy, but that's what you have to do. But I think The thing is that and like not shaming that they're not doing enough self-care. It's like, hey like do what you can. But also just acknowledge. The fact that you're still going. Like it? I don't mean it like wearing burnout or business or overwork as as a badge of honor, but it's like. Be proud of yourself for doing what you need to do to survive, but then don't keep pushing yourself to that absolute brink. If you don't need to. And be willing to let go when you don't need to anymore. Because we just stay in the pattern. Like you've talked about this in the podcast. People stay in heightened stress and don't know how to come down. So like for me, I was in chronic stress for a long time because of a variety of things, but then. I didn't know how to stop being in chronic stress when my life actually became super comfortable and I had everything I needed.
Oh my gosh. And it is about that learning. You're so right. And we often pick up patterns and do them over and over again and we get so entrenched and and I think literally entrenched like in our brain, those neuropathways are carved out. It's interesting. I was going through something recently and I journaled it out on this page from. 2007. Um to 2023 and mapped out all of the times that I've recognized that I've been in this same pattern. And it is like this cycle of every four years, approximately. And that I'm like learning a little bit faster because like it's only been like a couple years since the last cycle completed itself. And it's so interesting because that one cycle, like this one issue and it's for another podcast, it's. Interesting. And so like it's this one issue, but it brings with it so many layers of stress and it's like, so then I obviously come out of that cycle, things are OK, nervous system calms, bodies good, life is swell. But then it's like OK, we got to pick it back up and we got to do another like 4 year cycle of this craziness. So we really
do. Missed the opportunities where we can sit in appreciation and sit in our privilege and enjoy that and use that as a stepping stone to do like you said that impactful work and be open to creativity and be open to helping others. And and I when I say open it like literally makes me want to open up my chest and like be present because when you're in that fight or flight that's stressful time. You are hunched forward, you are closed off, you have the tunnel vision. You can't see anything outside of your own circumstances. So I think that it's huge for people who do experience more privilege to look up, like literally look up and look around you and open up your chest. And yeah, that that is where you have the ability to create some change, create some impact and hopefully help those around you who aren't in the same circumstances. And so at work, in a meeting. They were talking about something that happens to homeless folks. And I was like, oh, what is that? And then somebody said, Oh my gosh, you're privileged or like, you privileged ***** or something like that. Like, just as a joke. And I got it as a joke. And but at the same time, I'm still thinking about it. And a couple days later I was like, that stung a little bit. Like that didn't feel good. It felt embarrassing, like it was a little bit humiliating because. I don't know. I obviously have some stuff to work through around it, but at the same time, it's true. And it also made me feel like a little bit incompetent at my job, where I'm like, OK, I should like, maybe know this stuff. I don't know. But we gotta have room and space to ask questions. Like, same idea for you. Like, it sounds like you got a little bit of shame,
a little bit of resistance pushback from this person who was like, you have the support and resources. Like, I don't take the deal. It's such a dance with this stuff. Yeah. And I think. It's important. To just. Be aware of what you have. And. Be conscientious about how you talk about it. And. Just knowing and I I don't know that I even know the answers to that. But you know I do a lot of work still with other folks with Lyme and other chronic illnesses and. You know, one of the things is just. Being supportive and being able to listen, and also acknowledging the tension of this person would benefit from being able to fully press pause, but they can't. And being able to have an awareness of. Honoring that person where they're at and not coming at it with an all or nothing like. If chronic illness has taught me nothing else, it's. Just do the best with what you have. So take inventory of what resources you do have. And then, rather than this all or nothing mindset that everything has to be fixed overnight, it's well, how can I do the best? With what's available to me now.
And. You know the whole MLK junior quote of if you can't. Crawl. Or if you can't walk, then crawl. If you can't, you know that. My gosh, I is. If you can't walk, then crawl if you can't. Run, then no. It starts with running. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. Something like that. Oh, I love that. I can put that in the show. That's because I like that a lot. And yeah, it's good. That's a good place to wrap it up and because. That gets me thinking of supports like taking inventory of what supports what resources we have and actually letting go of the shame around it. To leaning on those like that takes so much strength in this hustle culture, like you said, to be able to say, OK, this is what's best for me. This is not forever. But like, this is a temporary. I'm going to use this and I'm going to once I get to that next level, once I get to that space where I'm comfortable, where I'm not in scarcity, where I'm my body myself, is not in lack in a deficiency, then like then it will be OK, then I will be able to work from a place of privilege. But sometimes it is it is walking instead of running. Sometimes it is leaning on others for support. So I like that, but we could be really scared of doing that. So I would
encourage like anyone listening to to do what Patricia said and take inventory of of what do you have in your life that you're not currently brave enough to access or to lean on. Do you have any final words of wisdom for folks and and let everyone know where they can find you and get in touch with you? Yeah. Thank you, bria. So to wrap that up.
When you allow yourself to tap into your resources and to be, well, resourced. That ultimately does allow you. To have a not only a more peaceful life for yourself, but. To give back more to others in the community. And so that was a mindset shift for me rather than the burned out peace builder or the burned out. Impact worker was. If I actually. Take a break and allow myself to heal.
Now, because I did that, I have so much capacity to really be involved in the Lime community and lead a group to. I just participated in a federal fly in this week for appropriations for research funding and like, I'm able to do all this stuff. Because I gave myself the space to not do that stuff for a season.
And letting go of the guilt, because sometimes again you you think long game. I'm pressing pause so that I can Sprint again next time or do the marathon. And. As far as where folks can find me. I am most active on Instagram at Patricia Cosulich and you can also check out my website www.patriciacosulich.com. Spelling will be in the episode when the show notes and I have a podcast, The Transitions Project so would love for folks to check that out too and. So I love hearing personal DMS of what people resonate with and and content requests. I'm sure Bria does too. So I'll put a plug for Bria. If you listen to this podcast, send her a message and say why you love it. Letter. Yes, literally, it's so helpful and thank you. I love that so much. I hope people will reach out to you. I know there's so many folks probably with questions surrounding you know chronic illness and and how do we press pause and then you know move forward. So thank you. Thank you for speaking to that and I really appreciate you. Yay, I appreciate you too.