In this interview, Diana talks about the importance of building community and finding your tribe. We chat about how to support yourself through change and about really getting honest with yourself when you've reached your tipping point. We also talk about supporting others rather than advising them in their choices, and how to make a change in your own life from a place of desire, love, and passion, rather than from fear, scarcity, and impulsivity. You are going to get so much out of this conversation!! If you're into personality tests - we talk a bit about the Enneagram personality test if you're wondering what the numbers are that we discuss.
In today's episode, we discuss:
CONNECT WITH DIANA for all things aligned & authentic action
Website: https://dianamariekeller.com/
Instagram: @diana_marie_keller
Podcast: Keep Moving Forward
Book: Stop Talking About The Weather
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
In this interview, Diana talks about the importance of building community and finding your tribe. We chat about how to support yourself through change and about really getting honest with yourself when you've reached your tipping point. We also talk about supporting others rather than advising them in their choices, and how to make a change in your own life from a place of desire, love, and passion, rather than from fear, scarcity, and impulsivity. You are going to get so much out of this conversation!! If you're into personality tests - we talk a bit about the Enneagram personality test if you're wondering what the numbers are that we discuss.
In today's episode, we discuss:
CONNECT WITH DIANA for all things aligned & authentic action
Website: https://dianamariekeller.com/
Instagram: @diana_marie_keller
Podcast: Keep Moving Forward
Book: Stop Talking About The Weather
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
Welcome, Diana, to the Better Boundaries podcast. I'm pumped that you're here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to chat with you today. Yeah, I think it's been a long time coming for us and I love that. You're a pro, you're in this community of women, like just meeting through, she goes podcasting and then also like you said, Happy International Women's Day. And then also just before we hit record talking about. Women and helping them get ready to take action. So I feel like also the theme for today is just like women in that like feminine power. But maybe before we dive into all of that, can you tell my audience a little bit about you and what you do and who you are and what lights you up? Absolutely. So my name is Diana Keller. I am the podcast host of Keep moving forward. I am super, super passionate about helping women take action in their lives. And so that can be a wide range of taking action, but helping them to really step into the life that they envision. For themselves, I am an author. I came out with a book in 2022 called Stop Talking about the weather, which is yes. It is a collection of about 100 different questions to help promote more authentic and genuine conversation amongst people. I right now am in a season where I just really want to build community with the women who are in my geographic area. So hosting events,
helping women connect with one another. So I'm really just super, super passionate about women. Helping them take action, helping them find their people so that they can live a life that they absolutely adore.
Damn. OK, so where did that passion come from? Like. Because, you know, we mostly help like a younger version of ourselves or whatever that might look like. Or even if it's some like, because I'm doing work right now that I'm like, I don't feel like I was ever in this situation, but maybe there's like an unhealed part of me that is like seeking this type of work. So, yeah, is there like an unhealed part of you that you're speaking to? Yeah, so that's a oh man. I have never been asked that question. And that is so deep but so raw and real. So this I would say a lot of this really stems from a younger version of me. I would say my teenage years, even early in my 20s, I really struggled with self identity, self compassion, self love, acceptance of who I was and and my personality traits and all of these things. And I really felt like as an enneagram, too, I needed to work my little **** off to try and find people who would love me for me. And so I think a lot of this comes from that fear that I had when I was a teenager. And even, like I said, in my early 20s, where I felt like I had to be someone I wasn't in order to find friends or have genuine conversation or for people to love me. And so through this community, through the book, through the. Podcast my goal is to help women find those connections that are just natural, where they don't feel like they have to show up as a version of somebody that they're not to make friends and have a good time and experience what life has to offer. So neat. Like yeah, that sounds
draining, and like when we talk about boundaries and just that people pleasing behavior, it sounds draining to literally have to put on that mask that that front. And present yourself as that especially in friend groups. Like it's just so it's not. It's not even that rewarding you know. I can imagine like yeah like going into. Being with groups of people or friends and then wanting to just like retreat and isolate and like OK, see again next month type of deal. Absolutely. And I I think that I just never felt confident in who I was that who I could show up as was the person that people wanted to spend time with. And it was super challenging because then I would show up as this person and then I wouldn't like that I showed up as this person and it was just this constant cycle of not being able to be. Me and and love myself through that process. It's interesting to me. And like I'm curious on how you started practices for more self love and self acceptance. I'm seeing this a lot in my work with kids who kids and teenagers who don't like themselves. They don't like their personality, they don't think they have anything to offer. They feel lucky to have the groups of friends that they have. Like it was just that these friends just, you know, fell into their lap type of deal. You know, it had nothing to do with them, which, like, you know, automatically puts things out of our control. And also just such this materialistic world, I'm seeing kids and teens who are like, I have to get a job, I have to make money or else I won't have friends. You know I won't. I won't be able to participate. Like, you know, I won't be able to have a girlfriend boyfriend if I can't buy things like what the farts, right. Oh gosh, that is. And I, you know, I used to work with high school students, so I saw that so much.
And I would say personally, a lot of the things that helped me heal was diving into personal development. So I. Started kind of a health and Wellness journey. It started with the want to get my physical health, but not necessarily the one the need to get my physical health in order. And that started kind of back in 2016. So I was about 2526 the time. So like I said, I mean this really was part of my life, even into my 20s. And once I started kind of that physical Wellness journey and I started to learn. Heard more about the mental Wellness aspect of it. So listening to things like podcasts, reading more books, and actually being a part of a community of women who are on a similar journey for me, I would say that those three things really. Perpetuated my ability to learn how to do it and then to do it on my own. So I I started, you know, doing things like working out, sharing that progress, that accountability with others. Listening to podcasts, reading more books, finding what kind of personal development books I liked, what fed into me, and then really showing up and attending things like conferences and making actively reaching out to the people who were in those types of communities because. For the first time, I didn't feel like I was weird for for feeling the things that I felt or for experiencing the emotions that I felt. Because through these books, through these podcasts, through these communities, all of those things were normalized and realizing that other people were on this journey. And I think as a teenager or even as like an early 20 year old, people aren't having those conversations because they don't want to be outside the norm. And really if they were to have those conversations, they'd find that it is more of the norm and they would feel more comfortable showing up as themselves. So true.
And I'm curious about what benefit do you see in your life for doing all of that because. It's and I'm right there with you. Like, I am obsessed with like, personal development and all the podcasts and all the like research and looking things up and trial and error. Like, Okay, I tried this new skill today, also failed. Failed at this new skill by lunchtime. That's fine. How do we pick up our socks from here on? But what benefits do you see to doing all this work? Because I can also see someone being like. Wow, that's a lot. Wow. I don't have time for that. Is it even going to make a difference in my life? Like, oh, that's just who I am? Yes, that is. That is such a good question. And it's actually so funny that you bring it up, because last night I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about a mutual friend of ours. And a lot of the things that we were talking about was some of the things that that our mutual friend is experiencing right now. And I, as we were talking about it, I was like, that was me. 7-8 ago and realizing the growth since then. Like not only just more self love, self compassion, self acceptance, but my ability to live a creative life is so much different. And when I say live a creative life I don't necessarily mean like. Arts and crafts like that's not that is creativity. But creativity is so much more than that. Creativity is bringing to life what is in your heart. And you know since since going through this transitional time since I started listening and and diving into personal development started listening and and diving into these communities, I have left my job. I moved into a new role. I published a book, I started a podcast. I started this community of women. And I look back on my life 7 to 8 years ago and I don't even know that
person anymore. And the person that I am now has gone through so much growth. I also went through therapy this during that time, like personal therapy. My husband and I had gone to couples therapy. Like there was so much growth that I look back at, you know, that mutual friend I was talking about earlier, seeing like where they are in life and like remembering like I was there. But I have, I am not there anymore because I did the amounts amount of work that was necessary for me to feel comfortable, confident in who I am.
I like that, like that growth piece and just having the clarity and awareness to be able to see things like from an observer standpoint like zoomed out lens of like yes I was there. I I did. I did the stuff to get through it and okay. So in terms of your work and your passion about getting women to be taking action in their lives, like it sounds like you've done, I guess maybe what advice would you give to that friend that you have who's struggling right now from that observer standpoint standpoint? And also I think it's cool because. You have the compassion because you've already been there. It's not like you were just, I don't know, magically born into some kind of, you know, perfect circumstance. No one is. Everyone has their **** going on. But yeah, what advice would you give to that friend now? So I think that there's a lot of different things that I would say, but more than anything, I wouldn't really so much give them advice as to ask them questions because I think that. For me, that is what really helps me to process and reflect is when I can be asked questions. And so for someone who is in that position, I would say, you know, what is it that you are experiencing on a daytoday basis that you're struggling with or what is it that you're fearful for in the future or what is it right now that is on your heart? That you just feel like needs to come to fruition, but you just don't know how to. And I think those kinds of questions can really help identify what problems they're having, potential solutions they might have, and something that's just really on their heart that they're passionate about. And then once we kind of dive into each one of those, I would give suggestions on okay. Well, if you're fearful for this, maybe I can suggest this book or this podcast for you to kind of address some of those fears or if. That's something that's on your heart. Maybe let's talk about how we can actually bring that to life. Like what support can I provide you that brings that? So I think really, and it's not even you can do this with yourself, like asking yourself the questions to identify those deeper emotions or feelings that you have that are holding you
back. Love that and about truly like getting honest with the answers and just not like writing things off or doing things impulsively to get rid of the fear and anxiety. Yeah, because like when you ask those things immediately, like I could see myself or someone else answering them at first glance, being like, well, I don't have time for that. Well, I know this is on my heart, but like I don't have time for that right now and. But no, it doesn't mean you have to like switch things instantly. It's more about getting like that clear level headedness on okay. We're struggling here. We can struggle for a little bit. That's totally fine. It doesn't mean we have to make all these big changes right now. But about, I think even just getting honest like that for me when I'm working in therapy with clients is like, let's just at least acknowledge what's going on for us. And and I do that with myself too, of like.
I don't know, say something in my body is like hurting. Just even acknowledging that like oh, like I have a stomach ache right now. This feels yucky and I and I think that that's a really really great, let's just talk about kind of like the physical aspect of it because I've been going through this recently. I've been, I'm run training for 1/2 marathon in a couple months, and lately I've been experiencing, yeah, it's really fun, but I've been experiencing a lot of back and hip pain. And instead of just. Writing it off. Oh, it's because of running. Well, maybe it's because I'm not doing things like stretching, or maybe it's because I'm not fueling my body with the things it needs. And so really taking a step back and saying, okay, this may look like the surface level solution, but is there any underlying pieces that I maybe not addressing that could maybe not solve the situation, but help if nothing else? I think that's huge. So asking like yeah, the question and knowing that the answer that you give initially, the surface layer one, it might not, it might not get you the results you're looking for. So we need to look a little bit deeper I think. And absolutely, yeah, I want to switch gears a little bit and chat about maybe even leaving your. Job, because I had noted that you said that earlier and like this is part of that growth in that shift that you've had and obviously getting active and making changes in your own life. What was the job and what was the switch? And like how did you know when to do that? Like because sometimes we have to stay in challenging situations and sometimes it's time to move on. Yeah, so this is probably one of my favorite stories to tell about myself. Like it to my own home for a little bit, because it was very. It was very quick. It was, it was, I'll say quick, but I'll kind of explain. So I I was a teacher. I was a high school teacher for about a decade.
And I can tell you to the day, January 10th of I decided that I no longer wanted to teach. And it had been kind of a culmination of the that 2019-2020 school year. Of just feeling very unaligned. And I had always promised myself that when I no longer loved teaching, I would leave because we've all been in the situation and we've all had a teacher that didn't love what they were doing and made it miserable for all of us. And I said it's not fair to me, it's not fair to my students. And so January 10th, 2020, I decided I was going to leave teaching. I had no idea what I was going to do. Absolutely no clue. And so through the beginning of I started kind of researching like what job could I do? Like, I never felt like I was qualified for anything because my entire adult career was a teacher and my degree was in teaching. So I was like, I don't know if if there is anything that I am qualified for. Well, in March, we all know what happens in March. In March of COVID hit I ended up working from home for the remainder of the school year. And after the school year had ended, I still did not want to go back to the classroom. And that was really an indication like, yes, like you have to leave. And so in after may I decided I was going to really start looking for jobs and I ended up transitioning to basically like a customer success customer service role in a in a corporate field. Which is not what I wanted to do, but it was what allowed me to leave the teaching career until I found something that I was much more passionate about. And that process was difficult. Like it was. I cried a lot, probably in the six months of the beginning, six months of 2020. And not because of COVID, because I was so uncertain about was I making the right decision, was I giving up on myself, what what I was experiencing. But since, like, so uncomfortable, like, Oh my gosh, it was so
uncomfortable. It was so uncomfortable. I had a lot of questions and. I just. I wasn't sure what I was doing was right. But I was taking action before I felt ready, before I felt qualified, before I knew what to expect. Because I knew deep down that even though I didn't know what was on the horizon, I knew that I needed that change to allow myself to grow, to become the person I was meant to be. And since then, that's when I was able to really build my business, to write my book, to launch my podcast. All of those things came. Because I made a really, really scary decision that I had no idea if it would pan out.
That's so neat and so refreshing and I guess to like. It's so tough because there's that fine line of, like you said, you knew deep down when it was time for you, and it doesn't. It doesn't sound either like it was an impulse, like you really thought this through. You felt it through. I don't know, you probably talked to people around a lot, like it wasn't some one day you were like, I don't like teaching anymore. I'm grumpy today. And I'm just, I'm done. It wasn't that. So no. And it's, yeah, it came to me like one day, but like I thought about it for six months before I really took action on it. And and I think that that's one of the things that, you know, when you're just in a growing season, you have to cultivate those things that come to your life and not, you know, on a whim. Like you said, like when something comes onto your heart, like you can explore it. But maybe not necessarily taking action on it until you've been able to work through it a little bit. And and you know I I very firmly believe in taking action before you're ready because you're never going to be ready. But at the same time like you know the, the way that I describe it is you don't just decide to start it opening a bakery before you've ever baked bread. Like you need to do a little bit of work first but you still wouldn't do it before you're ready. I literally love that you just use that. Like you wouldn't open a bakery. Like you never use an oven in your life. Like exactly. Who even are you? Right. But and yeah, there's like such a fine line there of like someone being like, Oh well, like. I've been destined to make bread. Like, sure, I've never tried it before, but like, I just have this feeling inside of me. And like, or I watched my grandparents do it, or so we do. Sorry, I kind of ran off with that analogy, but I love that. I love it
because I like. I am someone who definitely needs to work on impulse control in terms of taking action before I'm ready. Like, I'm the person who is like. I have never baked bread before, but here I am, like coming to my bread store. We've got salad, we've got multigrain, we've got rye just and also we're starting Donuts next week. So that's me. And so I've been. Starting to work through like sitting with the things like great for you, have great motivation, ideas, fantastic. Let's just hold on to those and see if they stick because we so often try and escape that discomfort that you were explaining that you felt. Talk about that a little bit, yeah. So first of all I need to ask are you in any of Graham 7? Surprisingly no. Okay, you were just like describing. I'm like that's a very anyogram seven thing, but what is your anyogram? I'm with three, so I love threes. So which sevens are cool cuz I think that's a bit more of like they're seeking the fun, the impulse. And so three is like. Achiever like just taking things off the To Do List to feel like right take something off the To Do List right. Right. You write it on the To Do List just so you can cross it off type of thing. I got it, I got it. I like I'm a wing three I follow everything but yes like so let's talk about this discomfort because it is really important to sit with the discomfort because that's where the growth happens. So kind of going back to what we're talking about of asking yourself those reflection piece questions. And actually allowing yourself to dive deep into it and unpack all of those things. Because if you refuse to unpack them, you're never going to be able to work through them but went through the process of unpacking it. That is where the discomfort is. And without addressing those, you're not going to heal parts of your past. You're not going to be able to work through or build the resilience and strength that that you'll need to face things in the. Future. So, yes, nobody wants to sit in this discomfort. It's it's uncomfortable. That's like the definition of it. But without doing that and without facing
that aspect of it, you're never going to heal because you're just throwing like a blanket over it and you're ignoring the elephant in the room. Yeah, it's it's so interesting. I noticed, too. I personally, and I know that everyone else does but go through this like similar. If we don't unpack that and heal that stuff and then like either sit with the discomfort or take action or a bit of both, if we do not do that, I see myself repeating the same patterns, yes. And so I actually was going through something recently and I took the time to ride out. A bunch of patterns from like the past, I don't know how many years that's been, probably like 16 years. And so I've repeated this cycle like four times, like every like four years or something. I'm like, what is going on here? This. And I'm in it right now. So I'm like, okay, this is the time. Look at everything that was going on there. Let's not do that again. And part of it is not making these impulsive jumps just to like escape certain things. It's like, okay. Hey, let's sit with this, let's process this. Let's use skills to not burn out and like let's try and find balance instead because it was like more all or nothing before. Like let's go all in and then burn out and have to rave due to impulse to control the burnout. So that being said, I guess the last thing I want to ask you is. Are there any like patterns in your life like that that you've had to work through? Maybe you're navigating right now that come up for you and you're like, Oh my God. Why the **** am I going through this again? Like, yeah. So like, as you were talking about it, like something came to my mind. This is actually like I'll be very vulnerable. It's something that I'm going through, like as we speak. So I have a tendency to become very,
very passionate about my opinions, which can sometimes in conversations come out a little bit harsh, although it's not necessarily meant harsh, but it's very I bring a lot of passion behind what I'm saying and so I don't compromise all that well because what I think. What I'm saying is I think it's like the right thing. And so, so interesting. Before you go into that. Yeah. What's your astrology sign? Virgo. Okay. Interesting. I know it sounds like a more of a Leo thing, but fiery, I love it. Yeah, I'm done. My goal. Yeah. So I tend to bring a little bit of. Like intimidation a lot of times, or I don't like the word aggressiveness because I don't. I don't necessarily think it has a good connotation, but it's just a lot of a lot of passion. And I have been in situations where that level of passion has been misconstrued, misunderstood and has. Maybe not, maybe gotten me in like not necessarily trouble, but it it didn't come off very well. And so I was actually talking my to my therapist about this because it's happened. It's it's been somewhat cyclical where it an outburst will occur and then I work on fixing it and then another outburst occur. And so one of the things that I'm working through right now is how to. Approach conversations a little bit better, where I'm still bringing my passion, but I do it in a less intense way. And so I am reading a book right now called crucial conversations, which is is helping me with that. So I would say, you know, my my passion is sometimes sometimes a little bit intense. And so that's something that I'm actually working through right now, is how I can have better conversations to make sure nobody feels like my intensity is pointed at them.
Thank you for being so vulnerable with that example. I think that paints like a really good picture for folks that it doesn't have to be like something. Tragic or like some kind of like, why does this always happen to me? Like, I always get this illness. I always like this always happens. I always have a falling out with a peer or a family member. Like those patterns. Yes. But for you, I really like that that that's something that happens within yourself and it's interpersonal, right. So going on, like, it does affect your relationships and then it probably affects your relationship with yourself because there's like the guilt, the shame of being like, like, I don't want to be this. In this intense type of deal, I don't identify with that, but how do I still speak my mind and get that across? So yeah, thank you for sharing that cuz that's a really neat example and I love that you said cyclical. I'm obsessed with this idea of. Like moon cycles and like menstrual cycles and all that jazz. Like I need to look more into that because it's interesting. We do just keep repeating things we do and that kind of goes back to even what we were talking about earlier about kind of that. When we don't sit in the discomfort we we will go through these cycles and never heal them and then it's we're not even it's just going to it's going to be problematic internally but also externally because of the people we interact with. So damn true and I think to finish off today and wrap up I. Is there anything you want to share with folks? And I really liked to. Before that when I had said what advice would you give to your friend? You offered support and resources because no one does well when they're told what to do. And yeah, I need to think of another word for advice because that's what I meant. Like I. Right, right. Yeah. Like what support
would you give this person? I like that better because, and I think that's just so beautiful as you're like, oh, like this book, this podcast, because then people pull. Motivate what they need. So yeah, what would you tell folks listening to this episode? So I think that the main thing that I would recommend is to take a step back and do the hard work, because. And we're talking about boundaries here. Set boundaries for yourself about what you allow kind of that peak to be like. Does it need to be, I'll use myself as an example. Like does it have to be that outburst where you finally say like, oh, I'm going to take a step back and reflect? Or is it like just as? You know, I'm feeling this discomfort today. Like, can I take a step back here? Like, what is going to be the point in your life where you finally decide to take a step back and start reflecting on what you need to reflect on and work through what you need to work through so that you can take action on the things that are on your heart? I love that. That, like, resonates so deeply with me. Like, take a step back, like, before **** it's the fan again. Exactly. Oftentimes, you know, people wait for, like, I had mentioned illness before, like autumn stuff to show up or like, you get sick, you get this, like, weird rash. I don't know. And then we're like, oh, like something is wrong with my physical body. I must change something in my life. And that's how we often notice it. So I think it's really cool that you say like notice the discomfort, step back from that. Like that is your indicator that something might need to shift or just be looked at with magnifying glass, right? Exactly. Like you don't need to get to your rock bottom before you solve things in your life. Like you can you can notice trends and maybe even that's part of it is just be aware like bring awareness
into your life. Of your trends, of your emotions, of your reactions, of how you're living your life so you don't have to get to that rock bottom before you work on things. So good. OK. Can you tell everyone where they can find you and all of your offerings and absolutely with you? Yeah. Yeah. So the best place to find me is on Instagram. So my handle is at Diana_Marie_Keller.
There is a link in my bio there that will take you to a bunch of places. I also have a private community for if you are a woman who is in like the Midwest of the USI have. A private group called the Fierce Ladies Collective, where we do virtual happy hours, we do events, we do lots of fun things. So you can find that on Facebook called the Fierce Ladies Collective. My book stopped talking about the weather can be found on my website, and actually all of my resources. All of everything I'm saying here can be found on my website, dianamariekeller.com. You can also find it on Amazon. I also recently just launched a course for anyone who's interested in launching their own podcast. So if you're a person who is interested in launching a podcast, I have a course for that, and then I also do one-on-one coaching and public speaking. So all of that can be found on my website, dianamariekeller.com.
Totally fart. I love it. That's so good. And I can just see, like how excited you are about everything that you have to offer. Like, it all sounds really aligned and light. Like that's a lot of stuff, but it is like you don't look way down when you're talking about it. You're like, thank you. We do. We do happy hours and we do. It's so much fun. We do so much stuff. Like this month we're doing a cycle bar class. Next month we're gonna learn about like. Herbs that you can grow in this area to, like, build your pantry. We are doing a visit to a lavender farm and then going to a winery. Like, we're doing all sorts of fun stuff. It's very cool. You don't have to get my booty to the Midwest. Okay. That's right. I love it. Well, thank you for being here. This has been so great. Well, thank you so much for having me. It's been a joy.