Christina is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), life coach, writer and chronic illness warrior. In this interview with Christina, we dive into the effects of people pleasing and talk about returning to your authentic self by focusing more on your internal experiences. Focusing on yourself is not selfish. Sometimes, you have to turn inward, reassess, and recharge, so that you can set healthy boundaries to foster your physical and emotional safety and wellbeing within your environment and the world around you. We also talk about how to integrate what you've learn in terms of self-care and personal development and discuss some ways that we can begin to take action toward coming home to authentic selves.
In today's episode, we discuss:
Connect with Christina for all things emotional healing
Book recommendations:
Resources:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
Christina is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), life coach, writer and chronic illness warrior. In this interview with Christina, we dive into the effects of people pleasing and talk about returning to your authentic self by focusing more on your internal experiences. Focusing on yourself is not selfish. Sometimes, you have to turn inward, reassess, and recharge, so that you can set healthy boundaries to foster your physical and emotional safety and wellbeing within your environment and the world around you. We also talk about how to integrate what you've learn in terms of self-care and personal development and discuss some ways that we can begin to take action toward coming home to authentic selves.
In today's episode, we discuss:
Connect with Christina for all things emotional healing
Book recommendations:
Resources:
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@betterboundariespodcast
www.briawannamaker.com
Support the show, buy COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
If you don't prioritize yourself and your body, your body will find a way to prioritize it for you. Like your Our bodies communicate with us constantly. The question is, are we listening or are we telling it to? Like, we got this, we got this, and then we just overhaul our feelings and our sensations and our somatic experience because we quote, UN think we know better
What's up y'all? And welcome back to another episode of the Better Boundaries Podcast. My question for you is how do we know when to restrict or when to receive? And I mean this in terms of life in general. My question is. How do we know when it's time to set a boundary or close something off? Versus how do we know when it's time to allow and accept and say yes to every opportunity that life has to offer? And when we say yes and allow amazing things to come to us, is there a time when? We can set a boundary within that if it's, you know, sometimes I feel like we don't think that we're ready for a lot of great things to happen and perhaps we need to slow things down just based on our the comfort level of our nervous system and. Even if like, just for an example of what I mean by that is sometimes people will be like, my life is going amazing. I have this and this and this and this and this and these are all the things that I wanted. And I'm still unhappy and I feel like I can't handle this. I feel like my brain's going to explode. Well, that would be an example of your nervous system just not feeling like you are. Capable of handling it even though you are. We still have to teach ourselves those skills to learn how to be able to move forward through this period of growth period of abundance,
especially if it's something that we haven't experienced before. It's new, right? So. Yeah, how do we know when is it that time to say yes and allowing things and when is it time to more so buckle down or close ourself off or get into more focused energy? Now do I have the answers for you on this one? No, because I'm also going through this as a human and navigating this in many different areas of life, and we are all different. And I believe that we achieve things and our manifestations come through to us based on our different experiences. We have different ways of calling things into our life. So for some someone, maybe their way of attaining what they want in life is through hard focused work and reaching out for opportunities and networking and connecting and that's a challenge for them. Versus somebody else, maybe the challenge for them and their work in order to receive what they're hoping to get out of life is more so letting go, allowing opportunities to come to them and really sinking into that place of receiving.
Welcome, Christina, to the Better Boundaries podcast. So pumped to have you so pumped to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. OK. So before we dive into this, can you give my audience a little bit of a background on you and what it is that you do? What makes you feel the most alive on a daytoday basis and yeah, anything else? Important that you're passionate about right now. I don't know what you get, but I get like hyper focused. Especially as a therapist, I will dive into certain topics and get really hyper focused on them. So is there anything that you're passionate about right now too? Well, I mean boundaries are always a big topic because
right people pleasing, putting others or other things in front of, in front of ourselves, in front of our decisions, not considering our decisions or where we play into them. Is a form of being stuck in fight or flight and I can't wait to discuss that with you because it comes up literally in every single conversation I have with clients and it was the topic of discussion this past week and and I like Co facilitate an empowerment circle through Bay Area line Foundation Sand Eagle Line alliance free open to all but that was the topic of discussion and we'll we'll get we'll jump into it but I am so so pumped to be on a boundaries. Podcast for this exact reason. So yeah, my name is Christina Christina Casavolos and I am a psychotherapist. I am based in Joshua Tree, CA. In addition to being a psychotherapist, I wear different hats. I published a Wellness journal in 2020 that's a mind body Spirit Journal. You track your health, track your emotions, track your Wellness. And what's great about it is that it can lead to you. The prompts lead a lot often lead a lot of people to writing more. Like it opens up that that door for them. And I'm turning that instrument app right now, which is really exciting. Oh my God, that's so neat. Yeah, I'm really, I'm really excited about that. And then I also am a health conscious. Food, travel and health writer through my account and publication called Buen Camino BUENQ AM Ino. So I get to do I get to do that on the side.
Yeah I I paint on the side so I do. I do a lot of different things and then I am a chronic illness warrior and advocate. So I specialize in my in my work I specialize in. Chronic illness and chronic Wellness. And in addition to that, I'm neurodivergent, so I specialize in all neurodivergent diagnosis and identities and last but not least, psychedelic integration. So I do quite a few different things, and that's just how my brain works and what it thrives on. Yeah. Holy ****. OK, so it sounds like you know yourself really well. And it's interesting when I got up this morning, or maybe it was yesterday, I don't know, all the days blend together, but. I was giving myself props because I'm like, I was like, good job for you. Like, I feel like you're really starting to get to know yourself. And I mean, I know that's a lifelong journey and that it changes at all ages and stages. But it sounds like for right now, you have so many things on the go that really light you up that you're passionate about. I'm assuming a community of, you know, kind of likeminded people around you. How do you balance that all and allow it to continue adding like fuel to your fire and being excited about it? Do you ever feel burnt out from everything that you're doing? Do any of your leisure? I'm just speaking selfishly, like into any of your leisure activities. Feel like a task, A to do list. What's that like? Wow. Well, first of all, the fact that I sound like I know myself as such a compliment. Thank you. Just taking that in. Like you said, it's a lifelong journey. I actually
have a know thyself tattoo on my back. Socrates. Yeah, I gotta wrap the Greek in me. But also just such a such a great statement cuz it's it is a lifelong. Path and Journey and yeah I'm so I'm so grateful to all of the the resources that I've had access to throughout my life to and tools to continue on this on this path towards honestly we're turning back to myself which is knowing myself. That's what healing is. It's a. It's just returning back to yourself. So to answer your questions, I do a lot of. I do a lot of different things. I know. And it sounds, it sounds like a lot. And something I've delved into in the past, I don't know, 3-4 years has been human design. Are you familiar with human design? Well, yeah. I have a friend who specializes in human design. She actually came on the podcast. We did like 2 parts. And we barely scratched the surface. It's just it was like kind of like intro because I just know there's so much. So. Yeah. How has that influenced you? That's so cool. I can't wait to talk. Okay. So what are you, though? I'm curious. Do you know what your human design is? I'm a generator. You're a generator? Yeah. Okay. So which is, you know, like, we tend to do the opposite, which I am like a. Push, try, work hard, shove kind of person. And it's just when I do that nothing comes. Literally nothing comes. Like I get little scraps of the universe is like oh here sure take this you you tried you're doing something right. But when I sit back and just allow and like just. Literally generate energy and but I have to allow for other things to come to me or even to be led by others. Sometimes
painfully hard. But yeah, it definitely has a huge impact on how we live our lives. Oh my gosh, I wish. I'm like as a kid I wish I knew someone had give me. No seriously. Giving me this information. So opposite of you. Very opposite. I'm a manifester. So. For those who don't and her listening who don't know, there's five different types manifested generator, manifesting generator, projector, reflector. But then it gets more complex and that just like our sun signs do in astrology, right? Like, you know, I'm I'm a Leo, but hey, I'm a cancer marine and a Virgo rising and it gets way more complex if you look at my chart. So finding out I was a manifester was like, wow, because I am meant to start. Projects. And then I'm supposed to pass the baton. We are the only of the five that are meant to, like, actually start things and not get invited, which and then inform and all of that. So anyway. And no, I've been burned out so many times in my life, probably because I was trying to be a generator and I'm not. I'm not. So in my projects currently I delegate, I finally have this amazing virtual assistant who I can give tasks to that you know, I, you know, can be completed by someone else. You know, I save the ones that have to be completed by me, of course, for myself. So that's been really, really helpful. But I've noticed so manifesters specifically, we're supposed to rest 85% time, which is hilarious because I'm definitely not doing that. And work 15% time. But I've gotten I've gotten better at that. I noticed when I prioritize myself and my needs. And in general, this goes for everyone, even if you're not, even if you're not a manifester prioritizing your needs. What feels good for you is ultimately the best for everyone. It's
the healthiest for you. It's the healthiest for everyone by by practicing. Boundaries. By prioritizing your joy, you are giving others permission to do the same for themselves.
I often think of parents and the pressure that's put on parents whenever I'm talking about. Put yourself first type of deal. So I like that you say, like prioritizing your needs will always be no matter who you are, like at the forefront of things. Because yeah, I think we've put so much pressure on, you know, not just parents like other folks too, to meet the needs of others. Like save others before you save yourself and it's really just not possible. It's it's just not possible. You're given from nothing. And it's interesting that you bring that up. Like, I had something come up last week because it's all trial and error and sometimes we don't give ourselves the grace to make those mistakes and learn from the failure. But I got to like a breaking point last week of like having COVID and just being really run down from like working three jobs right now and just like having some kind of autoimmune stuff happen that it only flares up in these. Periods where there's been other patterns in my life where I've worked three jobs and that same autoimmune stuff only comes up during those times. And so just being really frustrated with myself, like how did I end up back here again? Like so all of that stuff was coming up, plus trying to prioritize like family relationships and stuff hit my breaking point. Had like a 12 hour meltdown. Was angry at myself and like others that I'm in relationship with and. I was like, okay, let's use this failure as feedback. This is how we know that you have to take
care of yourself because we're not doing that. And then you try and give to other people and there's nothing left to give them except in 12 hour meltdown. So it's so important. And I don't know that people get that. I don't know that we I don't get that. Apparently I get it. Cognitively, but behaviorally, it doesn't come out.
I totally, I totally can resonate and like that that piece of like, let's have compassion for ourselves and it's not a failure. It's learning, it's learning material. It's just learned more about yourself. And sometimes we have to cross that line with ourselves more than once to really get the point. Like, okay, this isn't working for me. And I'm. I'm a huge you're Canadian and I'm a huge Gabor Matay fan. Dr. Gabor Matay, right? We love him. Gabor Matay stand over here and he has a book called when the body says no and I say this to my clients, I say this self shoot. If you don't prioritize yourself and your body, your body will find a way to prioritize it for you. Like your body finally was like and cut like when you have. When you have your your stuff come up during these stressful times, that's what it's communicating. That's that's all it's doing. Our bodies communicate with us constantly. The question is, are we listening or are we telling it to? Like, we got this, we got this, and then we just overhaul our feelings and our sensations and our somatic experience because we quote, UN think we know better and how often, how often. At the case we're not meant to go. I don't care if you're a generator. I don't care what you are in human design, we are not meant to go go go go go. We have to have time to take care of ourselves. So true and cuz yeah, even looking when you say that
at the generator, it's. You are supposed to burn your energy through the day, but you need the recharge time. And then it's like, oh, you have this endless supply of energy the next day, which is so true when I actually sleep. So it's interesting. So tell me more about being a manifester. And yeah, and like what things may be too that you see come up in your close family, friends, clients, any realizations, like in regard to human design? Yeah. Well, what I was going to say real quick though about generators, like you got to plug you. I mean like anything electronic, you got to plug it in. It has to recharge A and B for generators. So I I'm surrounded by so many. It's important that yes, you guys can go, go, go more than anyone else, but it's important that you have passion for those things. You're go, go going on. The moment you're not is when. That is when. The breakdown happens, right? The Flareups, the burnout, etcetera. So yeah. And again in me finding that finding out on the manifester and it's taken a long time to really, really work with that and understand what it means to truly delegate because I'm like, Oh no, it just makes more sense for me to do everything and for me to get burnt out. No, no. So that's been really helpful, I think. My friends too. Understanding how important is for me to have my alone time to recharge, to be with myself.
What else? Yeah, I I noticed as I mean I always just thought this was me as a as a human being because this is truly who I am. Like in my in my soul's purpose is I love igniting people. I will meet a stranger, talk them for 15 minutes and be like why haven't you thought about doing this and. Next thing you know they are. And it's happened so many times where people come back to me soon after years later saying, hey, remember that one conversation we had like I decided to do this and I think it's such a a cool thing, but that's what manifesters do. We like, we, we jumpstart people, we like give them that, like that electric shock. So I think it's like a really a really beautiful thing and then just again focus focusing on that. On that rest piece, and then being okay with the fact that I'm going to start projects and I'm going to let other people continue them, that's something I'm still trying to figure out, work out. It's it's a process. I've had many readings and I just keep learning more and more about my profile and how to to work with it the best way I possibly can.
That's so neat and like that's a process in itself having to let go. So like for me the challenge is sitting back and you know maybe taking that lead that like following someone else's lead is what I mean and taking direction from others versus for you it will be like. You've created something, you've birthed something, you have innovation and then it needs to go over here to somebody else and and that's like your baby. It's that's the part part. It's like OK yeah but but ultimately and like like perhaps like I think of something I give it to you like you may be able to like literally run it the best way. You you are the you are the sustainability and that. In the chart, I am not. I'm just, I'm like the Sprint runner, if you will. And The thing is, you can't keep sprinting. It's not feasible. It doesn't make sense. And then you get and then you get sick. And yeah, it's me getting. I have to be just so I have to be steps ahead of myself on getting burnt out because I, you know, I was sick for so long. Due to various chronic illnesses, autoimmune diseases, Lyme disease, so on and so forth. And my body finally said no. So I need to be steps ahead for that to not happen again, which is easier said than done. It's again a learning process probably for the rest of my life, but really important. Yeah. Okay. So you've mentioned a couple times and I love that book too, when the body says no, okay. So. And then I think people listen to podcasts guilty and also guilty of having this amazing conversation with you and being like, Oh my gosh, I, I should like definitely like follow my chart more, blah, blah, blah. And then walking away from the conversation or the podcast, not applying the information. I mean, we're slow to change and we integrate what we need when we need it, but there can be this, you know, learning and then not doing anything about it. So in terms of. I guess maybe can you speak to
chronic illness and boundaries that you've set for yourself selfcare and when your body really does say no how have you integrated changes in your life maybe like to wrap up hit people with I don't know your best tips about how to do that yeah so
you know when it comes to. Chronic illness more so has to do with I call it like the the histamine, the histamine bucket. We don't want it overflowing. And what adds to that trauma is
food that's not nutrient dense or high vibe. If you want to call it that, your your environment, your relationships, anything like literally anything toxic in your life can help. Fill up this toxic bucket, this histamine bucket, and not having strong boundaries like all of that adds to it and then it's over when it over overfills, that's when we have our flare ups and it's important to take a look at that. It's like, okay, what's what's in my bucket? How do I, how do I get some of this out of it and. You know, I can only speak to, I could speak to the tools and resources I have found, you know, so helpful in what I recommend to clients. But of course there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Everyone has to find what works for them and their bodies and their families and their environments. I'm a really big fan of Codependence Anonymous, which is basically people pleasers anonymous. That's that's what I call, I think. You're like, I'm not codependent. It's like, Oh no, if you put anyone or anything ahead of yourself, you probably likely are and it's okay, I think. I think at this point most of us are on a right on some kind of spectrum. So what it does is it gives you tools and resources and community to help support you in being more interdependent rather than codependent in your relationships, be it with work. With your romantic partner, with school, with friends, with family, we all need you all need help in and support in those areas and getting us out of fight and flight. There's two others. There's fawning, which is the people pleasing. It's overachieving. And then there's the freeze response, which is, I would say freeze response is when you can't physically flee. We go into freeze because it's internal, and I see the most in my practice between those two freezing farming people pleasing, overachieving and then and then freezing feeling like stuck, like you can't do
anything at all. So I'm a big fan of neural retraining to help with that. I don't know if you're familiar with neural retraining and. I love your face. I'm so excited to hear like, yeah, how do you incorporate that into your practice? And then also if you have a second to dive into the histamine. So is that like? Your body like, feels like there's a threat. A threat because I think of like an allergic reaction when I hear histamines like we're having an allergic reaction to life, that that is how I feel. Really. Yeah, that's it. That's like. So it's like more so like your toxic load. So it's a very common thing to hear when someone has something called mast cell activation syndrome. And I won't go all into that, but I'm finding that a lot of folks do. You have mast cell and it presents so differently in so many, so many different. People so histamine load, toxic load, same, same difference. But yes, that histamine response reaction, which is allergic, but it can be other things. It could be like really like your muscles really hurt, like flu, like symptoms, brain fog. I mean the list goes on and on and on and on and on. So we just want to reduce that toxic load and we can do that in all sorts of ways. I'm just the the biggest. I really like neural retraining. There's various programs out there that you can do. There's actually one out of the one I did was out of Canada called Dynamic Neural retraining system. But there's Gupta.
Yeah, there's there's a bunch of different ones. Basically what it is, is it teaches you a practice and how to get your body out of fight or flight because being stuck in fight or flight is Olympic system dysfunction. And it's great that we have Olympic system. That's what you know protects us when there's a true threat. However, having it constantly work and work without taking a break itself can put us in that chronic fight or flight. So this gets us out of that and thus reduces our toxic histamine load and then just like I said the support around around boundaries and codependence. I really that's why I really love and respect codependence anonymous and there's great books on on codependency too and. How that plays out, what that looks like in our relationships. Yeah. So boundaries are like a lifelong journey, don't you think? I mean, I will forever. I feel like I'll forever be working on him. Yes. And I get so angry. Like when you said limbic system dysfunction and like that, we're just not giving. It that time to turn off? Because we're meant for that acute stress, not the chronic like you said, toxic load. And it pains me because like capitalism. Am I right? Like that? Oh, oh, that's a whole. And that's what I love. Sorry, I don't mean to. No, that's what I love about Karen Gobor, mate. His new his newest book, I'm obsessed. And I say go read that one over when the body says no. But he has an entire chapter. That talks about like late stage capitalism, racism, like all sorts of social factors that keep us in a fight or flight state that aren't exactly addressed. These are real things. So you know there is there is that factor and it it does, it does suck because it does overshadow us. With that being said we still need to do this work on our on ourselves because. So that's one that's part of that. Unfortunately until we all heal these parts of the world and what's going on that is going to be part of our toxic load.
I wish I had a wand to be like and we're done with late stage capitalism and we're done with systemic racism and so on and so forth. But alas, you know that's true. I, like you said that. Like how you said we need to focus like on ourselves in that because it can feel like a very helpless place to be in, knowing that those external factors do play a role in our physical and mental wellbeing all the time. And yeah, so yeah, I like that you said focus on what you can and it's kind of like a be the change you wish to see, type of type of vibe with that and OKI guess on that note. What is one thing like you would like to see as change in yourself, in your community, in the greater like collective? What is one thing? Because I'm trying to figure that out for myself and like if there was a cause or something that I would really want to see change. Like how do I know when the world is a better place? I don't know if that's very out there question or not, but what is your do you have a one thing? If I had, if I had to choose, it's something that's been on my my mind. I think it would just be all, all folks, all sentient beings on this planet focusing on compassion, including self compassion. If I could choose just one thing because. When we truly practice compassion and meta, loving kindness and compassion,
the way we do things, the way we respond, the way we reflect, the way we make decisions looks a lot differently because we're considering ourselves and who were, who were respond to, who were affecting, yeah. I don't know. That's cool. That's amazing. I think that's really beautiful. Oh, hey, good. I want to end on that note. I think that's so lovely. I think that gives everyone something to focus on, take away, and like, I know I am too. I was just thinking, as you mentioned, that like a couple even big decisions that I have in my life right now, or like, no one, it feels like you're stuck at the crossroad and you're like, well, both options suck. Path a sucks. Also, path B sucks. That's a great way to look at it too, with that compassionate. Like, peaceful. Like, OK, both options aren't the greatest. Where do I fall in this? Like, how can I be loving and kind to myself here? And because other people typically are involved in our decisions, you know, or social beings, so we, you know, what is the most compassionate way I can act toward these other people? Also keeping myself at the first of the decision. Yep, Yep, Yep. We can, you know? And I tell parents that all the time. It's like. You can consider yourself in your decisions, and if that means not vegan but hitting, you know, hitting two birds with one stone, doing something that includes both you and your children to take care of yourself. I'm. I'm happy. I'm glad you're doing it. So. I love that. Okay, can you tell people where they can find you, connect with you and I can link things in the show notes, all link coda and your journal and all that good stuff. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Link the book to myth of normal. So good. So good. You can find me. I'm just, I think we're going to have more conversations around this in the future. We have a lot more to discuss. But you guys can all find me at at begin within today. BEGIN within WITHIN today, TODAY also begin within today.com
and one Camino is BUENQ amino.com
or at 1 Camino for my for my other stuff. Love that. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to have this chat. I appreciate you. Thank you. I appreciate you. I love this. I can't wait to be back.