NextGen Psychology
A podcast for parents to promote mental health and wellness of the next generation.
NextGen Psychology
From High School to University: How Parents can Help their Teens to Cope with Change
Can gaining independence at 16 really mean the start of a new set of challenges? Join us on this episode of Next Gen Psychology as we unpack the multifaceted journey of young adults aged 16 to 21. From the excitement of getting a driver's license and managing part-time jobs to the daunting tasks of cooking and laundry, we spotlight the balancing act of newfound freedom mixed with the ongoing necessity for parental support. The episode emphasizes that despite their apparent self-sufficiency, the brains of these young individuals are still developing until 25, necessitating a delicate blend of autonomy and guidance.
Transitioning from high school to university is a milestone often celebrated but rarely scrutinized for its mental toll. We delve deep into the stressors that accompany this significant life change, from adapting to new academic environments and financial pressures to the emotional strain of leaving familiar support systems behind. We shed light on the increased risk of depressive symptoms, burnout, and procrastination, and discuss how these challenges highlight the urgent need for better preparation and support systems for young adults during this crucial phase.
We wrap up by focusing on the power of building healthy habits for long-term success, inspired by James Clear's "Atomic Habits." You'll discover how setting clear, attainable goals and linking daily habits to these goals can create a sense of progress and motivation. We discuss principles like making habits obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying, and introduce the concept of habit stacking to seamlessly integrate new behaviors into daily routines. Additionally, we underscore the importance of adult role models in demonstrating consistency and offering emotional support, critical elements in helping young people navigate this transitional phase.
Book Recommendation: Atomic Habits
Bria Wannamaker, RP.
@briawannamakerpsychotherapy
www.briawannamakerpsychotherapy.com
As always, please remember that these podcast episodes are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical healthcare or mental healthcare. Podcasts are available as an educational and entertainment resource and are not advice, recommendations, or suggestions. Please seek out the necessary professional services if you require assistance.
Welcome back to another episode of Next Gen Psychology. Today, our topic is all about transitional aged youth, so that is, teenagers who are moving from high school to university or high school. Maybe they're coming back for a victory lap, maybe they are going to be working for a little bit or traveling. This is a really interesting age and stage of life, and the challenges that teens face at this age and that parents can face and trying to support their youth are really. They're really something so and everyone's situation is unique. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. So welcome to the show and let's dive into this topic Now.
Bria Wannamaker:This is such an interesting age because kids are getting freedom. They have their driver's license. They're able to go out and do things on their own. If they have their own job, their own part-time job, maybe even they work full-time hours over the summer, so they have their own spending money. So they have that freedom, that autonomy. They don't need parents as much for their support Um, and they come off as they don't need parents for emotional support, but we'll get into that, because that is not entirely true. Maybe they need less of your emotional support than when they were younger, but we'll talk about that one.
Bria Wannamaker:So there's also so much access to knowledge these days. So, whether it's on TikTok or it's on Snapchat or just something they're reading on the internet. Kids at this age are coming into so much contact with all kinds of different information and advertisements and videos and there's just so many different ways that they're taking in content and so they also. If they have a question or want to find out more about a different topic, they have the access to that right at their fingertips and it's instant. Within a matter of seconds they're able to find out anything they want to. Essentially, and the different videos like YouTube shorts or Instagram reels or videos on tik-tok, they are providing information that comes across as education, and some of the videos might actually be educational. It depends if somebody is speaking about it who is an expert on the topic or who has lived experience with the topic, or some people just pop on there and decide they want to be an expert on the topic and start spewing things out. So there is no filter really for what information is coming through, but there's an information overload. So kids are going on to these social platforms and are it's not just random cat videos on the internet anymore probably dating myself by saying cat videos. But I think that by saying cat videos but I think that there are even videos of that are psychoeducational in nature, like there are so many therapists online going viral and creating their social media platforms and providing actual amazing therapeutic information, um, so kids are really feeling like they know a lot.
Bria Wannamaker:But if you know a lot of things but you're not putting things into practice, do you really know it? Do we really have that knowledge and awareness? No, it also takes practice. It takes applying different concepts to our life before we've fully learned and integrated something or certain skill or certain piece of information, and so it it comes across as kids know a lot. Um, but sometimes that might not actually be the case. And especially if we look at this age group of transitional aged, youth ages, you know, maybe even as young as 16, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. So, yeah, I'd say about from 16 to 21. This age group, their brain, like in terms of neuropsychology, their brain is still developing. The brain is still developing until age 25.
Bria Wannamaker:And when I say that, I mean obviously the brain still has the ability to adapt and change later in life. That's neuroplasticity when the brain can adapt and change. We're always learning new things, creating new habits, patterns, routines within our world, within our brain. And these, the younger generation, though, they have more plasticity, more synapses available to make those neuro connections, and then it just drops off as the brain prunes away the synapses that aren't being used, the connections that aren't being used. The brain prunes away the synapses that aren't being used, the connections that aren't being used. The brain prunes these away, you know, for more efficiency, as in if you don't use it, you lose it. That type of the brain's like okay, well, we haven't learned German yet, so I'm just going to take away that connection that was available. You know, versus if someone was speaking like trilingual in the house. They learned French, german and English because their parents spoke those languages when they were an infant and onward. So the neuro plasticity is is always something that's there, but as the brain develops, typically it's by age 25 where just those, the capabilities for a ton of learning and development, just start to drop off.
Bria Wannamaker:It's important to keep in mind because as much as ages 16 to 21 have that freedom and autonomy and they can advocate for themselves and be assertive and they can get themselves from place A to place B and they can pay for things, while they're doing it with their own money and contribute in society. They're a consumer, right? They are, you know, a mini adult. As much as they have that independence. There is also this need for balance with parent support and guidance, and I think that it's challenging for parents to know when to be supportive or how to be supportive, when they feel like they might not be needed anymore. So I just wanted to put that out there and let you know that you are needed. You are so influential and so important.
Bria Wannamaker:Oftentimes, when kids first move away from home to go to university, it can be really challenging. You know, things change. So maybe they're not living at home, they don't have the same comforts. Food is different as in. What's available to them to eat is different. They may not have somebody reliably cooking for them or packing their lunches anymore, or just doing different household tasks like doing their laundry. So it comes with a lot more responsibility. So that's where time management plays a role, because now they're having to schedule for not only their new coursework but also these different household tasks they had not previously needed to schedule into their routine. Versus adults, when you're running a household, you. You do learn when is a good time for you to do the dishes, when is a good time for you to meal prep, when is a good time for you to put a load of laundry on so you can do 18 other things while the laundry is on. And so at this time when kids are going to a way to university, they're also learning that skill of how to take care of themselves, their self-care, personal hygiene and as in like working out and eating properly and staying hydrated. All of that and different household tasks. You know whether they're living in a house or residence or their own apartment or something like that. Plus, they are also having their new course load for school, their actual academic work, any extracurriculars that they have, juggling a new social calendar.
Bria Wannamaker:There's so much going on at that transition from high school to university and I think that it's that milestone is so celebrated. That's a huge deal to get into a school that you want and a program that you want and to be working toward your future, your future education, your future career, that everything is so celebrated that we almost miss out on a wonderful opportunity to support youth in this next phase of their life. So we're so focused on. This is good, this is amazing. But with any amazing milestone, a big change in life, also comes some challenges. For example, you know, buying a first home, getting married, having kids all of those big, exciting, fantastic, miraculous, wonderful milestones can also come with their challenges. And I think that that's something that maybe we're not doing a good enough job as parents, that maybe we're not doing a good enough job as parents, as educators, as mental health clinicians, as family physicians, as schools, like in the education system. I don't know that we're preparing youth enough to help them navigate the massive lifestyle shift that happens when they move away from home at such a young age and then also have school academics, everything on their plate.
Bria Wannamaker:And also some of those folks are, you know, struggling with money, financial issues I didn't even mention that before. You know they are having to work while they're in school to help pay for their tuition or their rent or whatever it is, so that can be a major stressor too and then also not having the comforts of home, so maybe they don't have their same video game set up, they don't have their parents around, even if they didn't want to talk to you and they would come home and go straight to their room. Um, you were still there. They still had other people in the house with them who cared about them and loved them unconditionally. They still had their cat or their dog that was sleeping at the end of their bed or that they had to get up and feed and walk.
Bria Wannamaker:And when, you know also I guess I didn't even mention siblings they have siblings around there's, you know, going from the comforts of home to maybe living in residence by themselves or with a roommate or with other housemates who are also kids, going through the exact same thing. That can be a really lonely experience, and so this is when a lot of mental health stuff starts to. We start to see, you know, different depressive symptoms struggling to maintain their academics, struggling to maintain self-care, losing the motivation to work out, also because classes are at all different times of the day. So maybe, uh, your kid isn't a morning person, or maybe they're not an evening person, but it doesn't matter. They are going from this schedule, that is, classes from 8 AM to 2 PM or 9 to 3 in elementary school, and then they're moving to a calendar that is completely different from semester to semester and they might have classes at times of the day where they don't feel like they're functioning at their best. So I think this is an important note that you know. Also, their friends' calendars might not line up with their calendars. So let me just kind of give you a summary of what this age of youth are going through.
Bria Wannamaker:So depressive symptoms increase. So there's lack of motivation. You know the difficulty getting out of bed or finding the motivation to do things because there's a deep rooted sense of dread. You know, every day kind of feels the same, like they're stuck in a rut. So the depressive symptoms are increasing and of course there are more. There can be more symptoms than that, but overall, from working with this population in a clinical setting that's what's most commonly reported to me is just that low motivation, that low motivation, low drive to want to engage in any activities. It's almost like a burnout. They're exhausted.
Bria Wannamaker:There's the procrastination that comes from working so hard at an extreme level level we can burn out and it's really challenging when your body says, hey, I don't want to, I don't want to do this again, I don't want to end up here again. That's when we end up procrastinating, when there is a high level of perfectionism with our belief system and our mindset and we want to go to the extreme. Those are the people who tend to burn out and tend to procrastinate, believe it or not, because those people might not even consider themselves perfectionists. But the idea is, if we picture this pendulum swinging back and forth, the pendulum swings so far one way, which is like the extreme, go, go, go, get things done that when the burnout happens, because the pendulum eventually has to swing back the other way, there's this crash and burn kind of experience with, you know, work or social, or just not really being able to participate in life, not feeling present or connected because of the disconnect that was required to go to that high level of functioning, high level of achievement at the one end of the pendulum. So then there's this disconnect, this burnout, and the procrastination stems from hey, your body's saying hey, do we have a system for managing this? Do you know, do we have like some, like some, some boundaries, some criteria in place? Because I don't want to, I don't want to go through this again.
Bria Wannamaker:It takes a lot of energy to swing the pendulum from one end of the extreme to the other, from the laying in bed, you know, scrolling on your phone, binging TV shows not doing anything. Quote unquote productive, like because it's in an unbalanced way. Yes, rest is productive and leisure time is productive, but if it's in an unbalanced way, like it's to the extreme, it takes a lot of energy to go from that side of the pendulum to the other side of the pendulum, so your body kind of puts on the brakes. Your body kind of puts on the brakes, and that's where the procrastination comes from. You know when you will try and find anything to avoid starting down the path toward the other extreme, because it's an exhausting road. Um, I don't know this. This has happened for me, but I don't know if it's happened for you.
Bria Wannamaker:But I'm gonna throw this example out there of even just the mindset of when you're gonna sit down and do some work, just the mindset of when you're going to sit down and do some work. For example, I, um, you know, used to tell myself, okay, I have to sit down and answer all my emails, which, like, that's a valid goal, but for some reason I would tag uh, I would tag it with a time stipulation so like, okay, I'm going to sit here for one hour and do all my work and make sure all my emails are answered and this very like kind of hardcore, extreme perfectionist mentality. That really doesn't make any sense when the goal is just answer all your emails. That could take five minutes, 10, 15. It could take an hour.
Bria Wannamaker:But when you go into something with the mindset of I'm going to force myself to sit here for an hour and stare at a computer screen wow, can you find a bazillion other things to do, am I right? Like my bathroom has never been cleaner than before, I tell myself I'm going to say, hey, I'm just gonna do this one task and that's enough. And so you know, when university students come in to work with me in psychotherapy, I and they're having, you know difficulties with academics and I'll ask them, you know, are you saying to yourself, I'm going to sit here for two hours and study this? Or are you saying to yourself, hey, I'm going to look at this unit and this unit, and once I finish those units, I'm actually done my studying for the day, because how much more liberating is that to have an end outcome. And then, once you check that goal off, you are able to move on with your day.
Bria Wannamaker:What we're doing when we set these arbitrary timelines on our work schedule or on our tasks is we are pretty much imprisoning ourselves and tethering ourselves to our work and you know, there's such a like I said before a perfectionist mindset that that could like never be finished. That's terrifying for our bodies to be like, oh my gosh, what if it's never good enough? You know what if I I sit good enough? You know what if I sit here for two hours and I don't even learn anything because I've zoned out? And then I get angry at myself because I zoned out and because I scrolled on my phone and because I stopped to use the bathroom and had a snack and so I sat here for two hours but I really didn't accomplish anything. Now I definitely, you know, can't go spend time with my friends because I didn't even study today, so I have to sit down for six hours tomorrow, and this is how it goes. So checking off the tasks, more so than attaching a timeline to it, can make it really meaningful. But anyway, I digress. I'm gonna go back to this list of summing things up for you and then we'll move on to that was that's.
Bria Wannamaker:One skill is to look at things as task and goal oriented versus time oriented. But so, basically, symptoms of depression go up, motivation decreases. I'd say sometimes primarily in first year of university or college, deep and meaningful connections can decrease because they have those close friendships in high school and maybe folks have gone other places or somebody's taken a victory lap and they just kind of spread out. Their locations and their interests and their friend groups diversify. So it can be really challenging because a lot of friendships might seem superficial at this point. You know there isn't a specific friend that they've met who they trust enough to share things with or to spend a ton of time with without worrying if the new friend group is judging them. So that can be a really challenging time to not have the deep meaningful connections so close by like they were in the previous years of high school and elementary school.
Bria Wannamaker:Right, because you typically tend to, unless you're a family who has to move around a lot for work or whatever else have you. But you know, typically a lot of people are going through elementary into high school with the same people. So those are really close relationships that sometimes just end up almost non-existent or they're just. They turn into just texting or I guess these days snapchat relationships with friends who previously been so close and then perhaps in know later years in university there's certain groups of friends that people have gravitated towards, certain people in their program or in their extracurriculars, or their housemates or roommates that they've found. So I think that the deep and meaningful connections can increase later on If that's something that you know is a goal and if they're looking for that. But sometimes, yeah, it depends, I guess, on university size too. If you're at a really big school, it can probably be more challenging to find people that they're close with, so that tends to go down a little bit.
Bria Wannamaker:Money tends to go down, you know, even if they are a young person who's had a job in the summer throughout the school year in high school, working after school or a summer job or, yeah, is used to like to like working full time in the summer. Even money can decrease, you know, when they don't have enough free time, and that's also something that goes down and decreases is the free time. Another decrease is family, pet siblings and just general support system. You know they're busy, their calendars are busy, they're trying to fit everything in and have a well-rounded life and also time for themselves. Leisure time goes downhill, while academics' workload and pressure and expectations to perform academically increase. Having someone around for cooking and cleaning can decrease. So those are new skills that need to develop as well.
Bria Wannamaker:Sleep can decrease due to stress or being busy or partying with friends. Speaking of partying, substance use is something that can increase. Drinking more, having drugs available or just around is a possibility, is a possibility. Staying out late at night can increase, also contributing to the decrease in sleep. Caffeine use can increase, which you know can contribute, feed into more anxiety, more physiological distress due to the effects of the different substances. Sense of community can decrease. Use of social media increases, while hobbies and extracurriculars you know if somebody who lived at home throughout elementary and high school played soccer or hockey or they were in gymnastics and they maybe don't have access to that when they go away to university or they, you know, aged out of the sport.
Bria Wannamaker:So all of these contributing factors that are kind of external to the individual. And then we have this underlying fundamental any belief that they have about themselves, like their self-esteem. Existing trauma or mental health concerns can be exacerbated by all of these external factors that are seemingly out of their control and that are increasing and decreasing with this one transition in life, you know graduating high school, moving on, going to a victory lap or work or college or university. So that's a very big trigger, I guess, or we could call it a cue or an activator. A really big emotional activator is this transition, this kind of moving on, moving through childhood, teenagehood into young adulthood and just moving out into the world, is a really big activator for, you know, mental health concerns and there are ways in which we can support these young folks and I, like I said before, just don't see them being supported well enough, especially in the community and then at home.
Bria Wannamaker:I don't think parents know what to do. You know the. You know what to do for your baby or your young child because typically they're asking you for help, but then, when it gets to this older, more independent, autonomous age age, they're not necessarily asking for the help that they need because they don't feel like they need it. Like I said before, it's a generation where all of the knowledge is is right there in front of them, at their fingertips, on their smartphone. They can learn anything in a matter of seconds, have access to so much information and sometimes there can be, you know, shame in asking for help. I mean adults know that. That's something I think we all as a collective could get better at is asking for help when we need it.
Bria Wannamaker:Asking for help when we need it, but often even before that, like even before the experience of shame and asking for help or leaning on somebody, there's also a lack of awareness of what our actual needs are. Because when I say help, it could be as simple as needing to call and talk to somebody, like talk to a parent or a friend or a therapist, needing a hug from a family member, needing to go home for the weekend, needing to know how to cook certain meals, needing a break. Like needing some permission from a parent to just be like, hey, why don't you, you know, take the day off and just stay in, because that's something you know parents do when kids are younger. It's like oh, hey, you are, you know you're exhausted, we had a busy weekend, or you seem to be fighting something. Why don't you stay home from school today? But you know, university students don't have that guidance and there's a ton of again.
Bria Wannamaker:I'm gonna note about that perfectionist mindset because I think it's being influenced also by social media. There is this comparison to all of these quote-unquote perfect lifestyles out there, even harder for transitional aged youth nowadays to take a break and to do something that is not necessarily productive but contributes to their rest and well-being. So that could even be when I say people don't know how to ask for help, mean it can be a lack of awareness of recognizing like, oh hey, here's, here's what I need. I actually need rest, actually need a hug, actually need to talk to somebody. It might not be something humongous and monumental, but it makes a difference in day-to-day functioning and overall well-being. I think that this age group feels at times during this transition period alone, overwhelmed and overworked, challenging to see the end goal or the potential and possibility for their life and their lifestyle.
Bria Wannamaker:And in part it's because you know when you go to school and you're working on a diploma or a degree, it's you're paying money to do a lot of work versus being paid to do work. You know when you have a career or a job, you know why you're going. Sure, in part it's because you like it, but but also you're getting paid to do the work, you're getting paid to be there and you're receiving something back. And, yes, in part it is because you like it. You picked this job for a reason. You applied for the job for a reason. You built this business for a reason. So there's something that you get that's rewarding, that you feel like you're contributing, a sense of agency over your life and you're receiving monetary compensation.
Bria Wannamaker:And in school, college, university you know they've just finished school, they just did four years of high school and a bunch of elementary school before that and now they're gonna go pay to go to school and are not getting paid for it but instead are sometimes, you know, getting the opposite. You know getting negative, negative feedback on on their work and so that can be really challenging to not have a bigger vision. That can lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, overall, just grief and sadness for an identity shift. You know they're transitioning from that. You know fun, loving child mentality, carefree attitude where they're supported, and you know school sometimes is just something you just show up at and now they're really having to try hard and focus and are grappling with who they are in this world and and you know what is the point and the meaning of everything and that can really feed into the depressive symptoms sometimes as well is just not being able to understand and appreciate the bigger vision, the potential, the possibilities, opportunities in their life.
Bria Wannamaker:So, as educators, mental health support, therapists, counselors, teachers, parents, I think one of our roles is to make sure that these children are educated and resourced on what is a potential possibility for their life. And I know that schools have guidance counselors and there's the careers course, but these resources are not enough. They're not enough support to demonstrate what goal setting is and how to work toward goals and, you know, to explore passions and interests and and values and and possibilities. It's not enough support. Um, you know, when I like thinking back on my high school experience, I don't even know who our guidance counselor was. I don't even know their name. And so I think that, um, you know, I work with a lot of high school students who book their own appointments with their guidance counselors and and go see them on a regular basis and have great relationships with them and are really resourced in that way and really connected. But I think that's only a certain type of personality, that's only a certain group of people, of kids, who are able to access that, you know, guidance counselor support within their school, and I think that there are a bunch of other kids who don't know what services are available to them, and so I think that that is really, you know, a shortcoming of education and also it's typically understaffed and underfunded. So even if there were a lot of students who wanted to go see this guidance counselor, it might not even be possible and they might just not get the support that they are looking for.
Bria Wannamaker:And same, with the careers course shifted and really taken more seriously and updated so that it's relevant and so that kids really understand what potentials and opportunities they have and what they might best be suited for or what they would enjoy or you know, something that gets them really excited and looking forward to this transition period and to moving on and moving out into the world. I mean, for my careers class I remember we had to do a project on what we wanted our career to be and I don't know if I took it seriously at the time. I think I thought I was serious. I had planned to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and in a way I guess it was a productive project because I realized, hey, that's actually not a feasible career for me, because most of the cheerleaders at the time I don't want to date myself here, but at the time I can't speak to now but they would only get paid between $50 or $100 a game, because they that is their, their side gig, and most of them are models and actresses on the side, which that didn't feel like it was something I would want to do, would be to model or be an actress. So I was like, oh okay. So I didn't realize that, you know, and that's kind of a neat way to rule things out, but you know what, if things were more hands on, you know, like practicums and placements in the community, so that youth could really explore their interests or what they think they like and try that on? It's a great way to rule things out but maybe more experiential than creating a poster board about Dallas Cowboys. Cheerleaders might be more beneficial.
Bria Wannamaker:Overall, we need to help this age group of kiddos build healthy habits into their life, into their life, and we can do this by helping them to set goals and then linking the habits to their end goals, because then it will feel each day and each moment of each day that they're making progress toward their goals. I think, like I had said before, when you're working on a diploma or a degree, it can feel really challenging to not see the progress on a daily basis. You know if you're getting feedback from instructors that you know your essay wasn't to their liking, or you know a lot of students might suffer from test anxiety and so they'll have tests and quizzes and exams and that can be really overwhelming. Um, and then they're not seeing their progress toward their goals on a daily basis. You know, all they're seeing is that, um, they ate some fast food this week and they didn't have time to get to the gym and they got a less than optimal mark on the test that they studied for and stayed up all night for, and that can just really weigh heavily on someone's self-esteem and confidence. So we need to be able to support this group of folks with education and resources and goal setting and supporting them through learning healthy habits.
Bria Wannamaker:And in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, he explains that habits need to be something that is obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying, and that's how we build any habit. If you think about exercising, you know it's easier when you are already in your gym clothes or your running clothes. Like I always have said, the hardest part is putting on your gym clothes and well, like getting out the door. So if we look at it through those principles that James clear outlines. It needs to be obvious, so, a certain time of the day or a certain place, that the healthy habit is going to take place. Um, or any habit really, it needs to be attractive. So that, to me, is how we link it to the end goal.
Bria Wannamaker:Um, you know, if and if kids can't see the end goal, you know why am I doing all this work? To just get a fancy piece of paper? Well, they need to be able to see how it links to their goals for their life. Do you want to travel internationally? Do you want to buy a home later? You want to speak at conferences Like, what do you want for your life? This can make the daily habits more attractive because we link it to the end goal. It needs to be easy. So this is where that pendulum swinging comes in in terms of we don't want to go to the extreme level. We don't want to go to the extreme level. We don't want to go to the pendulum all the way at the other side. We need to meet the person where they're at with their goals and take smaller steps toward our goals. You know, we live in a culture where we're kind of obsessed with doing the extreme thing or biting off more than we can chew. So I think that that's a really important piece too, is to be able to take smaller steps toward our goals. So it needs to be easy and the last piece, satisfying. You know we need to feel rewarded and celebrate our successes when we are building new habits.
Bria Wannamaker:James Clear also explains that we can habit stack. So that is, bringing a new habit into our lives by pairing it with a behavior that we do automatically or in psychotherapy or psychology. How it will be called in the subconscious, in psychotherapy or psychology, how it will be called in the subconscious. So something that is just an automatic behavior. We do it day in, day out, without fail. Or James Clear refers to it as non-conscious, which I like that as well, because it can be really confusing when in the psychology world, people say unconscious and anyone who did, uh, lots of swimming or lifeguard training or anything you're like, unconscious is when someone is like laying on the pool deck and you're supposed to say hey, hey, are you okay? And so then there's an unconscious mind like what's going on here? So, anyway, I digress, but I really like how James clear uses non-conscious in his language. So he had just things that we kind of go through our day and happens very naturally because we've built habits around it already. So pairing a new habit with you know, every time I go make coffee, I also close my eyes and practice gratitude and meditate. Or every time I put something in the microwave, I do incline push-ups on my countertop while I wait for the microwave to end, while I wait for the microwave to end. So something that we were already going to do without fail, adding another habit on to that is what habit stacking is and that can also help us to be really successful.
Bria Wannamaker:But a lot of the problem that I see is that one um, adults, parents, teachers, educators, therapists, a lot of folks who are supporting kids aren't demonstrating building healthy habits. You know, um, we're being inconsistent as well, with that pendulum swinging to one extreme than the other, or people quote unquote falling off the wagon. You know, kids are watching their parents try something new and then give up on it, and then try this and then give up on it. So I think that's the biggest gift that we can give to our children is practicing healthy habits for ourselves and showing them consistency, stability, predictability, um demonstrating the that when we work toward small steps on a daily basis toward our goals. We see progress over time that can lead to a really wonderful outcome, and so, overall this transitional aged group of kiddos they need education and resources on what is possible for their future. They need your love and support. They need to build healthy habits, as this helps with their motivation, their self-esteem, helps them to build community. They also might need someone to slow down and just be with them for a moment to find out what it is. What like exactly, what is it that they need? Like I said before, sometimes it's just someone to talk to, sometimes it's a hug, sometimes it's just someone to talk to, sometimes it's a hug, sometimes it's permission to take a day off, whatever that is.
Bria Wannamaker:I think something that's challenging is adults want to think and say that they know best and will just try to support young people in the way that they think is best. But really, if we want to support these young folks in becoming more independent, the best way that we can do that is to sit down with them and ask what it is that they need and really listen and really respect what it is. You know they're if they're asking for just a listening ear and not advice. Advice, or they don't want to be lectured, or, and I told you so just really being able to provide that and respect that need is so, so important and can be pivotal in your relationship with your child, because then they know that they can trust you and they can come to you and and that they will get the support from you that they need, versus the support that you want to give.
Bria Wannamaker:Being a parent is sometimes about taking yourself out of the equation and it's about learning learning to provide support and love in the way that your child needs it. It's the same thing in partnership, in your marriage or whatever else. What are the relationships in your life? It's sometimes about learning to give love and support in the other person's love language. You know, maybe gift-giving is not the way that you receive love like you don't really care about gifts but but it's important to someone else. Maybe you need to show up in that way for them. Or there's words of affirmation that are love language. Maybe you don't care so much if you're told that you're doing a great job and that you're appreciated. That doesn't mean too much to you, but maybe it means something to someone else.
Bria Wannamaker:So our job as adults, as parents, as support networks, as really anyone in any kind of relationship, is to sometimes show up the way other people need us to show up and to be really attuned to their needs and be able to contribute to the well-being of other people in the way that they need that, in the way that they receive love, and so I hope this was helpful for you. I hope this gives you a bit of an overview of a lot of what I see clinically, how young people transitional ages about 16 to 21 are facing right now, and I hope this gives you a little bit of food for thought in terms of how to be there for your loved ones who are at this pivotal age of high school and college or university or out into the workforce. It can be a challenging time and they need you. You need to feel empowered to support them, because if it's not you, it might be a group of peers or it might that our loved ones feel that they can turn to us in their time of need, and if you didn't believe that, then you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. So I hope this helps you to feel empowered with some skills and tools, and even just one of my favorite things about listening to audiobooks or podcasts is you can pause it and replay it, and I love taking notes on what I'm listening to on podcasts or audiobooks and I deeply think about the subject matter and come up with ideas of my own or thoughts of my own on the different topics. So, or if I'm out on a walk listening to something I'll just be thinking about, um, you know what if, or what if this, and da da, da. So that's, I think, something that's great about knowledge and information and education sharing is just being able to philosophize in our own way and have our own thoughts, feelings and opinions about the information that we take in and practice our critical thinking skills.
Bria Wannamaker:So, yeah, I hope this helps to give you an overview of what I see clinically in this age group, that is, transitional age and their mental health, and some ideas on how to support them. And then, yeah, some subject matter for you to think more about and, as always, I would love to hear your feedback so you can rate the show and leave a comment. You can send me a message, shoot me a DM on Instagram it's at brio wanamaker psychotherapy or send me an email. My email can be found on my website, brio wanamaker psychotherapycom. I would love to hear from you and hear if you are going through any of this stuff with your transitional aged youth. And, yeah, if you have anything that has worked for you or if you find that these strategies have been helpful for you, alrighty, we will chat soon. Bye for now. Thanks for listening. Please rate and follow the show to help build community. See you next time, bye.
